ms ladybug SQUISHED (3)

[ms ladybug]

I decided to start this as a new thread because:

I'm done. I've had enough.
My h has had enough.
Divorce is on.

It's painful. It's extremely painful. But, so is living this way. I've tried to please him. I've tried to do what he wanted me to do, and it was never enough. The house was never clean enough. If it was clean, he'd find unopened mail, bedsheets not changed or a bathroom hand-towel not folded. IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH. He asked me to make and keep a budget every month, and when I did, he was mad because it was handwritten and not on a computer program. I've gone to 3 doctors at his wishes, I've taken psych tests, and blood tests to determine if I'm mentally stable (I am). He's disappointed because I'm healthy. He is refusing marriage counseling. He wanted me to show him that I can change for 6 weeks before he will agree to counseling. (If I COULD change for 6 weeks we wouldn't NEED counseling!!)

For the first time since we separated he asked me last night what I think he would need to change. Every answer I gave him, he turned it back to me.
m: You're angry and can't control it
h: you make me angry

m:You're mean and you belittle me
h: because I'm frustrated with you

m:I want you to let me speak, and give my opinion on important matters.
h:you can't speak without arguing

m:I'd like you to be the spiritual leader
h:you won't follow, so I won't lead

m:I want you to pray with me like we used to
h: your life doesn't reflect a relationship with Christ, so I won't pray with you.

He continues to take NO responsibility for our marriage problems. I acknowledged that I had a big part in this, I was often disrespectful and didn't include him in my decisions. But, he dismissed everything I thought he needed to work on, meaning that he is refusing to change. I don't want him. I want the man I married.

For too long, I've waited for that man to re-appear. As if he's just gone on a vacation, a sabattical, but he'll be back. It's time to declare him MIA and move on as best I can.