You really are doing fine and making sure progress at improving your relationship. I'm impressed.
You've been posting to this thread for three weeks --> just 3 weeks. In looking it over, I feel like I've turned a fire hose on you and yelled "Drink up, kid!," expecting you to soak up in a couple of weeks what it has taken me literally MONTHS to figure out.
Along the way, I've certainly had my moments where I wanted to throw a self-help book across the room and stomp about singing "Why Can't a Woman be More Like a Man?" (from My Fair Lady) to my puzzled German Shepherd. So I can't blame you for your own moments of analytical exasperation -- they go with the process.
So, hang in there. You guys are making progress -- keep at it!
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007