WAW#9 Feelings

[sofaraway]

Phil, I believe you said that I talk to much??????

Well Pot, this is kettle and I am here to tell you that you should look in the mirror. Maybe even go back and read some of what you post on here and see how it reads back to you.

From a religious aspect, which you and I will never see eye to eye only because we have different backgrounds, I wonder what your priest would tell you if he read all that you post here?

Maybe you should print it out and set up a meeting with him and see what direction he believes God want's you to work towards.

Bottom line, as basic as I can put it. You must have faith, you must trust, and you must listen. It is not for you to judge others, it is for you to hear the message that is put in front of you. You may have already missed it.


Ian

[naej]

"Our marriage has always been on the rocks."

I should think this is the only sane and honest thing you have said.
I am praying that your wife sails as far away from those rocks as fast as she can, oh and takes her laundry with her.
I also pray that you will see a mental health counselor and at least try to save yourself.

[LostPhil]

Dryheat and naej. Both of you said you were not going to post to me, then you do. Now stop it.

naej, you go see a mental health counselor. Ok. I'm fine. I know where I stand. Thanks your praying for my wife to leave further. You are right you should never post to me again. Your little witty comment about the laundry wasn't even funny. Did you ever think that she is the one that created the rocks. Now go away.

A maid. No I never wanted her protrayed as a maid.
The list of things she did the way she did was her decision.
The woman ran a tight ship. Maybe too tight, and that is why maybe the woman is running. I always told her to slow down. Everything doesn't always have to be so clean and perfect. Maybe she overwelmed herself.

Ian. I'm not judging anyone. Really you are not helping. I may have missed the message because I feel like I'm being bombarded with nonsense. Maybe some of it wasn't nonsense maybe some of it was. Perhaps I wasn't in the right mind frame to take in all the advice and deploy it. It may have been a better idea to not post here at all right after she left. Some of the advice that I tried to implement caused more problems with her. Telling her not to come to the house? Do not do laundry anymore? Stop taking things from the house. Stop using resources from the house. If you come to the house to spend time with your son then don't go in the bathroom for 15 minutes and redo your makeup. Ian, by the way. We will not see on the religion aspect eye to eye. Well let me tell you something. There is only one true Church and it is Catholic. Now if you want to loose focus and go down that road, I will roll.

Maybe if some of us would act like the Christians we say we are we would not be in this predicament of divorce or seperation. If we stay true to one another and fight for one another rather than fighting against one another there would not even be a word divorce. Rather than try to misunderstand we understand.

I maybe should have grieved her leaving and then got myself in a better mind frame before I started talking about anything. Putting up with the nonsense on this board, going to work, going to school, dealing with the kids, and dealing with her is enough to deal with.

Bottom line here was a major problem. She acted like an idiot through the whole marriage. Temper tantrums, immaturity, and selfishness. Most of the time I would let the crap go, blow it off, or say something that didn't help the situation. Then I would get to the point where I would just snap. Then the snapping just made things worse. Now maybe if I don't respond at all to the nonsense then she will soften.

You know during the whole marriage I prayed for her heart to soften and not be so critical of me. She said she prayed for me to stop drinking. Now really...

Did she ever stop to think that maybe if she wasn't so critical of me I wouldn't have acted like an a$$ towards her. I gave into all of her demands. Yes sometimes I fought them a little, because sometimes you have to let logic take over.

I was building a house on top of my house. I was doing most of the work myself. I did have some help from friends. I put many long hours in on the weekends. Some weekends I took a break. If I did I was lazy. My body was in constant pain from something.

You know maybe I just need some support on this board. Encouragement and stopped being ridiculed. It seams everyone is so damn critical of my situation.

Please if you post try and be helpful. Leave your wit at the door. You are not going to beat me down.

You think I'm arrogant, holier than now holy roller, well then you go and think that. I am not afraid. I think I have many flaws and it would be plenty easy not to be a Christian. Then I could just throw all the rules out of the window and be my own god. I know that is not the case, and there is no truth in that.

Yes, I'm fighting for my family. Yes, I'm most likely doing plenty of things wrong. I have to learn what works.

Now I'm not sure if I addressed everyone's little question because this has some how turned into a circus. I'm not trying to be holier than now. I'm not trying to be arrogant. I think it is an overachieve mindset.

Let me ask any of you this. Do you think you would have the energy to walk in my shoes?

[craig54]

phil, none of us want to be in each others shoes.we all have enough to deal with ourselves. i was listening to a preacher on the radio this morning on the way to work. he was talking about the bible story about when jacob was wrestling God. in this corner, God a billion and o. undefeated, in this corner jacob a big "0". the point of the message was for us to stop wrestling with God about our family members. it certainly hit home with me. i realize when i let go and let God do his work, things get done. i know you love your wife and i know you love God. let go of your wife and let the Lord do his work, i know it is hard phil, i know it is hard. your situation is not that unique. we all have tough situations. God is bigger than our situations. let him do the work.God has his own timing. that is the most difficult thing for me. because i want things done quickly. well, the Lord doesn't wear a watch. he works in his own timing and way, i will pray for you phil, i can see how frustrated you are.

[AmyC]

Good grief, Phil.


Dude, brass tacks here:

You do not come across as a likable man.

It is very easy to understand why your wife left you.

You present as unyielding, argumentative, bitter, self-righteous, lazy and overall, just a straight up intolerable, know-it-all jerk.

You give lip service to your contributions to the demise of your marriage but that's just you blowing smoke up somebody's ass here once a day or so. Your actions - or your continuing INACTION rather - tell the real tale.

If I did not know firsthand that all those bad characteristics that you obviously possess CAN be purged from your being, I wouldn't be here.

Watching you is a lot like sitting on the back porch watching a crazy kid just hop and hop and hop around the yard on a pogo stick.

You are not going to stop this until your legs are too tired and you crash and fall over in a heap; broken and exhausted.

I hope for the sake of your children that it happens and it happens soon.

Meanwhile, though - happy hopping.

[LostPhil]

AmyC, so you are alot like me.

So which interpretations of your post should I keep the rendition of.

I didn't come her to make friends. I don't need to be liked.

Amy really the analogy of the pogo stick. Did I not ask for the wit to stop at the door? I think I'm done being exhausted.

I going to try and rest in the calm.

Really I felt better than ever this morning, and then I read on this board more nonsense.

I don't want to be right. I hate being right. Intolerable know it all jerk. I'm very sorry you feel that way.

Brass tacks: lets shall we. Folks on this board have been creating confusion for me. It has made me argumentive. I am frustrated when I try to implement some advice and blows up in my face with venom spews from my spouse.

She lacks maturity to talk to me in a dignified civil way. It is her way or the high way. It has always been that way. Her rules but they do not apply to her.

[craig54]

phil, as long as you keep your focus on your wife, you will continue to flounder. drop the rope. let her go. worry about you and the kids.you are not letting her mind stew, and deal with all that she is going through. she cannot heal, leave her alone. believe me you can be in the same room and still leave her alone.

[LostPhil]

craig, I do leave her alone. What the heck are you talking about.
I don't call her. I don't bother her. I only interact with her about the kids. Those interactions are only when she gets tired of them or needs my help. If she comes to the house now I let her do whatever she wants. I leave her alone.

Really I'm in hell. Here is my opinion. If she cared anything for me at all. She would lift me out of hell. I feel like texted her that, but obviously that is pushy and needy.

[craig54]

phil, cool the anger, it is self defeating. she cannot lift you out of this hell, she cannot lift herself out right now.your expecting miracles to happen in a short time. if she is not pursuing the divorce then time is on your side. you know she cares for you.you need to try to calm down. if i can see the anger and frustration so can your wife.

[*KS*Chick*]

craig, I do leave her alone. What the heck are you talking about.
I don't call her. I don't bother her. I only interact with her about the kids. Those interactions are only when she gets tired of them or needs my help. If she comes to the house now I let her do whatever she wants. I leave her alone.

Really I'm in hell. Here is my opinion. If she cared anything for me at all. She would lift me out of hell. I feel like texted her that, but obviously that is pushy and needy.

it's not all about you.