And so it begins....

[one_light]

Hey yall,

Well…. it's done. I am divorced. I am single. My angel, my baby, my shining light of beauty, hope, and all things wonderful is gone. I am numb.

We gave’em a show outside the courtroom. We walked out and we hugged. She was crying, I was crying. She kept saying “you’re going to be better now, you’re going to be better”. I took her head in my hands, kissed her lips, turned around and walked away.

Done. I don’t think it has really hit me yet. I’m sure you all understand the idea that this separation is only temporary. That I am simply away on business or she has taken a long vacation to the moon or whatever. That if I can only wait it out; if I can only endure, then we will once again be reunited.

I have to accept now that such a thing is never going to happen. She doesn’t love me anymore. Oh she loves me dearly of course, but, not as husband and wife. I am trying very hard to think of things in terms of beginnings instead of endings. I simply can not believe that she in no longer going to be in my future. Her future is now going to be with somebody else.

I miss her so much. I miss her everyday. I think of her every night I go to bed and every morning I wake. She doesn’t miss me. So what now. Quit my job and move to Panama, that’s what. I wanted the one thing. I can not have that thing. I’m damn sure going to have the other thing.

I have lost weight and hair. I look like hell. I feel like hell.

It appears my self pity has no bounds. Sorry for whining.