Helping OW??

[fooled again]

You are right BND, I am starting to become obsessed. It's just that I thought we were going to be able to do now after all this time. He just seemed so sure, but now he isn't.

Last night we had a nice evening, but when H left I felt a bit sad. I could have left it at that, but I HAD to call him (ugh I just wish I could have stopped myself). I said "You're still done, right?" He said he didn't know. So I asked, "Last night was just sex, right?" He said it was both, sex and more than that too. He asked if he should just not be around me while he was "figuring out where he was going" because he saw how much it was hurting me. I told him that I enjoy being with him and have a really good time - that does not hurt me. I just wanted to know where I stood. He doesn't know...

So, what does a girl do? I am ready to move on w/ my life, really, let H go figure himself out so that he can make the choices he has to make. But he keeps coming back to me, wanting to spend time w/ me, see me, ML w/ me. It's this that makes me crazy - if he just left me alone I would be able to stay detached. I said to him in my letter, make a choice, but if you don't chose to come home, I can't be w/ you. But he is also my friend, so how do I cut my friend out of my life? I don't really want to, but this is not good for me either.

What do I do? Let my H go back and forth and back and forth b/w me and OW? Do I accept him w/ arms open (& legs) when he comes to me and leave him be when he does not? Do I move on w/ my life and make him believe that it is I who is done w/ our M, go dark & not spend any time w/ him?

My convos w/ OW are over, I believe, unless she calls me again. But I suspect that my H has called her b/c of the fact that she hasn't called me back, and so I see us going back into the cycle that we have repeated over and over over the past 2 yrs. OW does not want to know the truth, that H is still seeing me, so she has not called. I on the other hand, do want to know. But I suppose I should assume that he is still in contact w/ her in all this. Maybe she will fight harder for my H now. Maybe it was wrong to tell her I won't give up. Maybe she will tell H that I said so and this will give him comfort in knowing that he can take his time deciding. I don't know anything at this point.

I'm confused b/c I am so close to giving up and walking away. I told OW that I would never give up so that she will always wonder what H is doing, if he is w/ me or thinking about me. She said she could not be w/ him unless he told me that he wanted to be w/ her & stop lying to her. This has not happened. Maybe, just maybe if I can stay calm and detached, it will be OW who will be obsessing, accusing, spying, snooping and losing her mind, pushing H closer to me.

Wise DBers, especially BFM, I guess I need your help more than ever right now. Just talk me down, give me strength, help me stay focused. I don't have many people to talk to about this b/c they all think I should just get on w/ my life.

FA