Thx Scott! I am looking at it as a babystep right now but it is a positive sign nonetheless. She has also mentioned several times that we don't talk and I have been avoiding all non small chat and jus chat because it has been a cheeseless tunnel. I do think I will get cornered again tonight so I am going over previous posts to make sure I don't screw up! But, if she brings up the big D i'll have to run for the hills and pull back.
Trip to the pool with kids might get cancelled...clouds ar moving in. Is God giving the opportunity for us to talk? We,ll see.
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Ugh! As expected, I ended up in a semi R talk this evening. It started of by her asking if I had any plans tomorrow night as she wsas invited out by friends for drinks. Well, the convo turned to her feeling like a prisoner her at the house and that she feels the need to establish a schedule so that she can spend more time with kids...and referred t it as boundaries at which I said okay...draw them up. That scared her and she just wants to verbally communicate them. Of course I,ll have to come up with my own then I guess. The talk then switched to selling the house and I said I really hadn't thought much about it. She said we need to because we can't afford for one to get a place of our own. I told her nor that I have removed every pre existing need to sell the house...job relos etc...that it is not in my nor the kids best interest. Long story short she said I wasn't being flexible and I said that the feeling is mutual. Somewhere in there she said that she's not going to change her mind and she's needs to do this for herself.
I don,t think it was bad to have this talk as I was expecting it. I did a lot of validation and managed to get my points across. We agreed not to get angry when we talk which was nice. So, do I pull back a little more? Do I do small loving acts? She did ask tonight if I checked her car for the night and I said no. Should I have? I also touched a warm spot with what I cooked for dinner...she has always appreciated my cooking...do I play that card mildly or is that pursuing? She wants to talk but when she does it's a cheeseless tunnel for me? By me saying that the inflexibility is mutual could that be beneficial? I don't know. It's only near the end of week 3 of this crap and it just sucks! F! She just popped into my room to tell me that the plans changed and now won't be home after work and not until later in the evening. So much for her schedule to spend time with kids...that lasted 20 minutes! I do think I was curt with her a second ago but WTF? This house issue is really going to get ugly because financially she is trapped and only a judge through the D process will get me to sell! And that is only if my folks don't lone me the dough which they will!
It's just frustrating. I'm not changing my mind. It's a broken record already! I know. Stop saying it!
At least I get to meet with my C tomorrow. We'll see what he says given all this crap since our last session.
I know my WAW is watching everything I do and just wants to get the f out but geesh. Stop and think of the kids for minute. At least she is not doing this for the money because there is none. Just venting a little but could use some advice again on LRT with hell bent live in WAW.
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
So it's Monday am, it's a beautiful day albeit humid with the threat of some severe weather here in the northern plains. I have a session with my C in an hour and a half and it should be very interesting. W said that she got nothing out of her first session and felt it was all her thought. I plan to spend the first few minutes discussing this with the C since he was planning on reaching out to W proactively after his vacation (this was decided before I sort of pressured W into going back a second time). Hopefully, this intel will give him a new gameplan. We'll see.
Still wondering about my comment on flexibility. W feels that I am not being flexible about the house. I told her last night that since I withdrew all pending opportunities that we were looking into and have decided to stay put here in Sioux Falls (we were hellbent on getting out of here and heading back to DC up until the bomb) and therefore have no reason to sell the house. I also said that this is a decision that we both have to agree to (we are both on the mortgage/deed) and that we are at an impasse. Hence the inflexible comment at which I responded, I understand but the feeling is mutual alluding to her inability to flexible with regards to C and wanting to try to work on things.
She thanked me again this morning for being understanding about her changed plans for this evening and that she doesn't want me to feel like I am being taken advantage of. I told her no problem. I think six flags should have a ride called the WAW. Just as soon as I see a positive sign, the wave crashes back into the abyss of the WAW.
Decided that I will go dark on her friend that works where I do. Even though she views me as friend etc...there is nothing good that will come out of communicating with her. Not sure how W will interpret this and I really don't care.
Still frustrated over the whole "you don't want to talk" comments. I do, I just don't want to listen to the "I am not going to change my mind". I get it already. I am sticking with the small chat about kids and listening to her plans but really need to avoid everything else as it causes more harm than good right now, whereas she wants to talk about selling the house etc...Argh! I did mention to her last night during the convo that I have been feeling alot of emotions about the sitch and that I am just choosing at this time not to show them (in response to her comment the other night).
More comments last night from her that she feels that she can't love me the way I need to be loved (I basically said I understand but disagree) and that she needs to do this for herself. Also, a few references during this talk as well as the others about how she has been taken care of the kids for the past 4 years. Well, I finished reading Men are from Mars last night and the point system section really resonates with this. I have zero points in her mind. She feels she has so many that she subtracted what I had accumulated and now I am at zero. My role of being a good provider has been diminished to zip. Everything that I have done in the past is not remembered. It's amazing how a year and a half of stress at the job can do this. Oh well.
I did take Phx's advice and hung around a little more this weekend than I otherwise would have and plan to do more of that this week to see what happens. I also plan on doing some more soul searching to see what other 180s I can do that might make a difference. Can't really think of anything that I have complete control over that doesn't involve her outside of what I am already doing. Still hoping that she decides to bend just a little in the coming weeks with regards to the C. I am not going to pressure her anymore on this. Not even going to bring it up, even my sessions.
I'll post more after session.
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Well, I contacted the toughest L in town and I found out that the wife has already been consulted. Checked accts and the W withdrew 1200 from our savings on 7/3 and had the initial consultation on 6/23...6 days after the bomb. So, guess I need to find the next best thing in town.
I sort of expected this but to actually realize is it heartbreaking.
Given this new found knowledge, should I change my direct deposit into my non-joint account at another institution or should I just act as if I don't know this?
Should I confront her on this?
Should I ask her what happened to the $1200?
Any advice that can keep me from over reacting would be greatly appreciated!
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Thx Scott. What's sad is that the money was to be used for the summer vacation with the kids to the NC OBX. I understand her need to want to be protected legally etc...but just heartbreaking. Still torn with what to do. Part of me says to act as if I know nothing. The other part of me says to protect myself and ask about the money. Things is I don't want to push her or cause a fight.
Any other thoughts out there?
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Well. I have been watching the kids all night while W is out again. Not home yet and don't really care at this point. Luckily the kids where pretty worn out from daycare and went down without vaude tonight which afforded me the opportunity to read some threads. While I was over in Neil's thread I saw spat from FG about perspective and changing from being desperate to another state. As I enter week 4 of my sitch that post got me thinking.
Am I desperate? I believe at this point that I am because the sitch is new, I am learning to be patient, and I am still trying to figure out this whole LRT. The challenge for me now is not only figuring out how not to feel desperate but Also how not to let WAW feel that I am desperate. She knows what I want and I guess from this point forward there really is no need for me to remind her unless she specifically asks, evec during an R talk. She knows and she's watching. I need to remember to let my actions speak!
I feel that I have been good with GAL, especially with the kids. But today I feel like a doormat as I did not object to her changing plans right after the whole schedule/boundary talk last night. I figure a 180 is in store the next time that happens.
I have also gathered through reflection and comments from W some of the things that she was drawn to in the beginning. We used to talk forever on the phone every night as she travelled constantly when we first met and when we where together, I was the shoulder for her to lean on, cry on etc...after the kids came that all ended. She also really enjoys my cooking as do I. I need to work that into my GAL and not make it a pursuing activity. My S and D enjoy helping and watching so i'll work with them and teach them and have fun with it. If she's around to benefit then great.
So I met with C today and told him about W's view of her session. He told me he gave her a copy of MWDs WAW write up. That along with the stats is probably why she hated it. She now has a label. All in all not a bad discussion. I guess I went in looking for affirmation about what I was doing but it turned more into him learning more about our issues. Basically, I need to keep up with the LRT and take note of the small things. Given what I told him about Ws view of her session, he won't be reaching out to her this week. We'll reassess next week.
After reading parts of DR again tonight, I also decided not to bring up the withdrawal as it will only create a problem and make her angry. Not what I want right now.
Venting...must be nice for W to stay out past 1030 now on a work night...when I would do out when colleagues came to town on business, I always had to be home by 900/930. I just hope she's not cranky in the am as we get the kids ready.
Well going to read more threads before my prayers. Gume in if you care. Any advicecomments are welcome.
Tia and God bless, LS /
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Well, it's another beautiful day her in Sioux Falls but my 4D has a fever so I'll be home most of the day. Took her into work with me this morning so I can check up on emails and get some things to take home to work on.
Don't know what time W got home last night but it was late and she was up at 6. Don't know how much longer she can continue doing this before becoming physically worn out. She was somewhat pleasant this morning. Just small chat about daughter having a fever but I guess it's better then nothing. Somewhat of pull-and-take about what to do with 4D. I said that I had the vacation and I will take care of it. Again, somewhat unusual behaviour for me as we usually will split the day etc...
I don't think she's going anywhere tonight and either am I. Going to make a good dinner for the family tonight and just chill out around the house with the kids...maybe take the to the park.
Still can't really remember much from C session yesterday other than questions about our SSM, events over the past two weeks, some of the babysteps I noticed, the R talks, what W thought after her session, etc...
I plan on reviewing my goals and things that have worked/not worked over the past 3 weeks. I think I am overlooking some things that hopefully can be uncovered. Maybe wishful thinking but you never know.
No longer in a panic state about what I learned yesterday. Going to act as if I don't know. Need to stop getting into a tizzy the moment I learn of something and wait until a calmer head prevails. It's not good for my PMA. I need to remember to let these things roll-off.
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Okay...so I snooped and now have clarity. My WAW might be a lesbian or at least is testing the waters.
How does this impact what I am doing? Does it change anything? I guess there is no OM but possibly another W! It explains why she has been hanging with the lesbians and at the gay bar!
Okay. I am desperate for advice on this one. Do I throw in the towel and protect my kids or continte as if and hope she's just experimenting?
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
