You do what you wanna do, I leave it all up to you

[MichelleLT]

((((((Corey)))))))

He is confusing you because he is confused. And I agree with Jeff, he is probably confusing the crap out of the Troll too.

Hang in there. Do what you need to do. Protect your house. And let him try and wade through all the crap in his head.

[Sugar and Spice]

So wouldn't it make the most sense to get all of the paperwork done and then just ask him to leave me alone?

At what point do I tell my dad? I haven't yet because I really don't want to hear what he is going to say. I also mentioned something to H about telling DD and he thinks she is too young to know, but I think its just as wrong to wait until the kids is here to say, "Oh, by the way honey, you know have a new brother/sister." I'm just so damn tired of all of this and I'm tired of feeling like I'm being played. I think all of this baby crap is a cop out and he is just waiting until its born because then he thinks the decision will be easier to make.

[MichelleLT]

Isn't that what all the WASs do though? They keep waiting in limbo, hoping the situation will miraculously solve itself and that they will miraculously be happy and life can go skipping along.

Doesn't happen.

But they have to figure that out for themselves.

If he won't sit down with DD, you need to tell him you will and then do it. Maybe he's equivocating because he's not certain the Troll-let is his, but even so, DD needs to know what's going on because it is effecting her.

(((((((S^2)))))))

If you are comfortable doing the paperwork and the reaction it will get, then you should do it. If not, wait a little longer.

It's whatever you need to do.

[Sugar and Spice]

I am totally ok with the paperwork at this point. I am almost more comfortable with just filing for D instead of only LS...don't ask me why.

There are some items that H has promised me that I would like to have put into the "good faith" agreement and I wonder if I can. He has promised to pay for my school and said that we could borrow the $$ from his 401K, I want it in writing. He has also said that I would get his 401K, I want it in writing. There is no benefit to waiting much longer to file this, simply because if she gets mad and starts a case with the DA now, we won't be able to remove his name from the house or anything else that will protect me and the kids and that will not be good. I should have listened a long time ago, but I didn't want to hear it. Stupid. I need to treat this like business and get it done.

[Sugar and Spice]

Ok so I need to learn some self restraint. I pissed H off earlier and one of his comments was that we just wouldn't sit down and sign anything.

I got irritated and asked him why he felt obligated to the Troll and the Troll-ling when he has no obligation to "us" and his reply was, "Corey, there is no us." There is me & you and I'll always be obligated to the kids. So I asked him why he felt so obligated to her then when there is no actual kid here and no obligation to me when I have been around for 20 years.

I just need to shut up.

[Maya44]

There's alot of confusion with all of this Corey, and I'm very sorry for that. If it helps move things along either way, in IL, whomever files for CS first is the one that benefits the most. So, if OW decides to file CS before you do, then you will lose out on some of it...even though your family came first! This is what I'm told anyway when H's OW told me she was pg (she lied). I'm not saying this to hurt you or upset you, but only to let you know what might be able to happen since there's another child coming along.

I'm on the fence about DD knowing about the new baby quite yet too. Only because if you tell her, and it's not H's, then what's she going to be but more confused. At least if you wait to tell her after you find out if it's H, then it's a done thing. JMO.

(((Corey)))

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Corey)))))

I guess he answered your question though, at least for now. Not a very satisfactory answer, I must say. I don't think his current brain function qualifies him as a higher life form.

[Maya44]

I got irritated and asked him why he felt obligated to the Troll and the Troll-ling when he has no obligation to "us" and his reply was, "Corey, there is no us." There is me & you and I'll always be obligated to the kids. So I asked him why he felt so obligated to her then when there is no actual kid here and no obligation to me when I have been around for 20 years.

I've wondered the same thing Corey...why is there such a commitment to these "women" (for lack of a better word!) but not to their wives and children. I think they're minds are sooooo messed up though, that they have to believe we don't exist in order to feel less guilt or something.

[MichelleLT]

Gods is he confused.

Probably because half of the mess is caused by their desire to get away from their own life and commitments and responsibilites. And I bet he's feeling damn trapped right about now by his new ones - except they're new, which makes them slightly more bearable to his miserably confused mind.

Don't bother asking him. He doesn't know honey.

[Sugar and Spice]

His reply to that last question was to get mad and say that he wasn't going to listen to anymore of this and he had to go. BYE!!!!!!

I'm going to speak to my Dad tonight and tell him everything and let him guide me on what to do. My thought process is this. File for LS and in the good faith agreement, ask for everything that I want (ie: everyting he has already promised me - the 401K, his retirement and to pay for my schooling). Once the LS is filed I wait 30 days or how ever long it takes to come to an agreement on the good faith agreement and then file that judgement (that puts it on record in the courts eyes) then if things ever work out, I can cancel the LS, if we end up getting a D, then I just modify the LS to a D.

I'm not trying to be vindictive, I'm not trying to get over on him, I am just wanting to hold him to everything he has said he would give me...

Dar, Cali works the same way. She who files first gets most. Thats why I need to get this done, because there isn't a whole lot of time left and I want to be well out of the splatter range when the chit hits the fan.

I'll keep you all posted and thanks sooooo much for all of your support.

That theres no "us" comment really took me a long way today.