H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[cat03]

even if it wasn't mutual, when you tell the kids, you really can't tell them who's fault it was, they are too little and they will feel in the middle, loving dad but feeling bad for loving dad. As much as I disliked it, we told the kids in a neutral way that dad decided to move out, reinstate that we both loved them still and that they were very important to us, that we'd made sure they wouldn't miss out on being with either of us during holidays and stuff. Stbx was the one that said we didnt' get along and had decided to split. Though, much later on my s10 asked me some questions, and I told him that when he grew up I'd tell him the rest, but that this wastn' really what I wanted and that I fought hard to keep our family, and I kept it at that and he seems fine now with that explanation.

My family would've been beyond hurt had they knew a quarter of what stbx did to me, when I told them I didn't mention ow, it would've killed them, and also I didnt' want to spread any more hate and I'm sure it would've been hard for me to talk about her, though the main problem really is stbx and his emotional issues (depression, adhs, the ow was, and always has been, a band aid).

Perhaps give them a summary without details, you dont' have to answer any questions that make you uncomfortable, say what you are comfortable with saying.