Should I tell her I know?

[buster80]

I wrote her a letter today saying I was moving back in and I should have never left, and she flipped out. Major explosion. she told me she was finding a place to live and i was staying at my parents until she did or else she'd change the locks. also told me if i was moving in i owed her 14000 dollars (closing costs + downpayment). i know i don't owe it to her since the house is joint assets. basically the only part i left out of this story is i used to smoke a lot of pot. a LOT. i did cocaine one time and lied about it too. for these reasons i ruined our marriage she said. so she threatened to tell my parents everything today. I'm such a fool. i never really considered it as ruining the marriage because she would smoke with me all the time(basically a hypocrite). we've obviously stopped all illegal activity but she still uses it against me. long story short = i worked 3rd shift and when I was home i was too tired to spend every minute with her and our son (NEVER neglected my son, we did things together all the time.) so after all this, the OM came along. she says I ruined the marriage and is tired of being labeled the bad guy. so both parties are to blame. I told her it wasn't about the house. it just kills me to go visit him there and have to leave. destroys me. i showed weakness and started crying telling her i need to see him more and that makes her more angry because I was always too tired before. i don't know what to do !!! having a nervous breakdown