I'm glad I was of some help. Good job asking for it!*hugs*
One other thing I avoid is not calling my spouse by initials.. H, WAS, STBX. Although it's convenient, it depersonalizes them, feels like passive/aggressive name calling. It also forces me to think.. who in the heck is that person?
My current mode of reference is dropping any possessive pronouns.. like 'my'. He's not 'my' spouse.. he's 'spouse'. It almost happens naturally. The kids are 'my' kids. When he stops slicing them out of his life and takes care of their wellbeing, I find it write 'our' kids.
Initials remove the need to feel sometimes when I need to most.
