Don't feel all is lost. He is saying he is done, but it isn't how he is acting, right? It is not even a little surprising that he reacted that way, but it was just a reaction.
Now, make sure you pull back and give him space. Try not to panic. Reflect on yourself, and take care of your little ones. It's ok!
Just getting caught up on the sitch. I am so sorry you are hurting. It's tough for women because we view ML as such an emotional thing, and men are different. I don't think it was that he didn't want you. I believe his reaction was his own guilt feeling over the sitch.
You did not fail. If a man does not want a woman, he doesn't want her. Obviously, your H still does, and because he has convinced himself that he doesn't, this probably came as a bit of a shock to him. Personally, I see this as encouraging.
Just take a deep breath and continue the DBing. You are doing great, don't let this set you back. Lola
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Yeah, but he says he just tries to sleep with me to "see" if he'll feel anything. Not that he does. He says he feels NOTHING towards me. Not anger, not love, not friendship......nothing. He is numb. How on earth do you get numb?
Then when he freaked out I said, I thought we were having such a great talk, and you seemed receptive. To which he said, the only reason he thinks he listens to me over and over, is he's punishing himself. I wanted to yell BULLSHIT, but thankfully ONE bit of DB caught me before I did. I'm sorry ,but feeling sorry for HIM right now is just SO hard for me. I do feel bad that he got to this point, that I hurt him. I truly do. But to try to play the martyr juts pissed me off.
Anyway.......... I just found this link, and since I'll probably be in Divorced by not Done sooner than I know, I thought I'd post it here.. http://themediansib.com/2006/11/06/marrying-an-ex-spouse/ Will there ever be a miracle for me? I'm doubting it more and more.
He's coming to see the girls again tonight, and I've already decided to leave the whole time he is here and go grocery shopping. Trying to LRT again.
Still trying to find a job. So hard in this economy after being a SAHM for 7 years, and looking for something that will make me enough money to keep this house. Seems like EVERYTHING is impossible right now.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
he is still saying a lot to you with his words and actions. there is still so much that can be done. no more ML. i have heard that it can confuse things for the worse during this stage. just say no to it...say you dont want to get hurt or hurt him. then let him come to you. this is not over- please have PMA!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Its all in his mind. He is trying to convince himself. Look good when he comes over, go to the store, and do what you need to do to, and breath!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I'm here. Did good yesterday. No talks. He came, I had cooked (he eats with us on the weeknights when he visits the girls since he comes straight from work). He said it was good and thanked me for the meal. I then left to grocery shop. I came home just as he was putting D6 to bed, so I went in hugged and kissed her ,and then went back to the garage to load in groceries.
He came out to help me. I told him he didn't have to, but he said he didn't mind. So he helped me load in the bags. Then I told him I had gotten something for him at the store for his drive home. He always grabs a bottled water when he leaves, so I got him a Vitamin Water (he loves those things) while I was at the store. HE said thanks, and then left.
Blah.
Bad discussion though over the High School Musical tickets. I brought it up, and said that I'd changed my mind and I would like to take D6 (he had offered me the tickets on Sunday, when I brought up that I wanted to buy them, but he already had). To which, he had since decided that he took the offer back. Nice. I told him I thought it was kind of crappy since he KNOWS that that is My and D6's thing. We have watched HSM1 and 2, we have the cd, a Karaoke cd, we dance and sing all the songs. It's so OBVIOUSLY something that would be something I should do with her. I admit that I'm pissed because he KNOWS it would mean more to me, but he KNOWS she is going to love it, and I feel like he is in this "I'm the fun Dad" mode now.
Everytime he has the girls..... it's swimming, or eating out, or buying them treats at the store, or taking them for icecream, or going to putt putt etc....... meanwhile, all I hear over and over is how broke we are, so I don't spend money at all (other than bills, groceries and gas). So I'm here taking care of the house, taking them to Dr.s appts, playing around the house etc, and when they go with Dad they get spoiled.
It's all so typical. The anger is settling in and I don't like it. I love him ,and still pray that his heart will be touched to try, but for now I think I'm finally in a mode for detaching.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
the time you spend with your kids is pricelss- no matter what you do becuase you are their rock. im sure that its fun to do all those things- but they also reply upon you. you both play a huge role in their lives and that will not change.
yes- DETACH- you are very atteched right now to what he does and says..i knowhow hard it is not to get attached but just LET IT GO..you need to heal YOU right now- not him.
take care
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
He's being the typical "Disneyland Dad". It makes him feel less guilty for leaving the marriage/family.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Everytime he has the girls..... it's swimming, or eating out, or buying them treats at the store, or taking them for icecream, or going to putt putt etc....... meanwhile, all I hear over and over is how broke we are, so I don't spend money at all (other than bills, groceries and gas). So I'm here taking care of the house, taking them to Dr.s appts, playing around the house etc, and when they go with Dad they get spoiled.
Chris
I hate that. My XH does that with D12, always has money for new games, new movies, new CD's, but I am the heavy who has to pay for the stuff like meds, clothes, school supplies, and his excuse to her when she asks him to take her for school supplies??? That;'s what I pay child support for.
Jerk.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
