my H said he wanted a D multiple times as well..i didnt fall for it and i just listened....it was very painful. i am still scared he will say it again...i do not know what to make of this- i wished for this for so long and now he said it and i cant believe it. i have to trust myself and know that he wants to come back. another good part is that he reached out to his guys friend that is my best friends H...they have the best marriage n the world and they work at it everyday. so my H knows this and is seeking help from him..i know this means he wants to work on things. he hasnt said it to me yet- but his ACIONS - just like ours are telling me something! and i think i am almost ready to move to piecing ...not sure yet!
my biggest lesson here was detachment from his words. i used to react to it all- bc i was sop scared he would say something mean- which he didnt do very often- i would get my defenses up and fight back. no i just listen...sometimes I squirm through my clothes , bite my tongue (lightly) tap my legs (under the table), pinch my fingers together....i just SHUT UP and let him talk. he really isnt trying to hurt me- he is trying to talk.
i want to keep this feeling of being detached alive forever...it is the only way.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
so we just talked he called me bc i saw him on the road (fist time that happened- he decided to take the back-roads home- right past our house!) and he asked some house questions about our cabin in escrow...then it lead to him asking about my weekend- which is a big step- he hasn't asked anything about what ive been up to so far..so that was a nice baby step-- i was very calm about it and short but sweet..then i asked about his. it turns out he went to our college friends wedding- that i had replied to and said we couldn't make it a month ago- he told me he got he got drunk and partied too hard- this was an issue before and it is like he is testing me and telling me about this. he said he needs to stop and only drink a few drinks from now on- we had an inside joke about this before and i said his "no " button was broken. i think he was telling me this to show me that he is trying to change- and that he is guilty and he knows he needs to stop. also to test me and see how i would react. i just laughed and said ooohh- yuck. bc he said he was still hung over today...so this is a bit of a bummer to me...this is almost like a backslide on his part- but maybe he is just testing the waters...thoughts, ideas???
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
seems like it. why is it a bummer? he's sharing with you his feelings...and thoughts about stuff. that's always a plus? so what if he went and got drunk....LOL.....that's his hangover, not yours. Remember, you can't control what he does....if he's going to party, he's going to party. You did good. you didn't get on his case about it.....
you're doing fine. remember, baby steps...!
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
ok- thanks! thats true..i didnt get on his case at all- i was really detached and empathized quietly...and it is baby steps..he is sharing something very deep with me as he knows it is an issue..thanks- that really helps by putting it in perspective...i guess i just got scared that since this has been an issue with us before and it brought up bad memories...but its true- thats his hangover! im sure he feels like poop- and he wants me to be there for him..poor thing....im here- he just needs to ask me to be there for him :0)
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
criminy! he just emailed me after i emailed him with some house info...he said he liked seeing me last week but his emotional side doesn't think so. (wtf?) he is setting up an appt to talk to someone- i think a life coach (who is pro-marriage!)...he said he is on an emotional roller coaster- but it isnt as bad as it sounds- he just doesnt want everyone to know his issues...
so this is good right? i just read into the part about his emotional side doesnt think it is good to see me....ugh. but it is good he is seeing someone- that has never happened in his life either on his own. wowza.
do i rely at all to this? it is huge that he told me this...i dont want him to feel weak or guilty- i just want to acknowledge him for opening up to me yet again.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
ok- i replied and said "that is good you are finding someone to talk to. i ma sure you will do whats right for you i understand about telling people what you are going through...then some house stuff (one line) and happy for him he's getting a new mtn bike...and bye from me and our dog....
so im sure it is all good- he opened up and keeps telling me more- especially that he wants to see someone to talk to - thats huge!
i need to stop worrying--my anxiety is taking a hold of me. i will now take a hold of myself wth PMA!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
he is conmng by my office today to get docs notarized for our house sale- i am excited and nervous- as always...it will be good to see him egven after his email to me last night-
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
i understand about telling people what you are going through...then some house stuff (one line) and happy for him he's getting a new mtn bike...and bye from me and our dog....