I know! Its all about holding your tongue!!! So many times H could see me bursting at the seams and would say "What?! Just say it!" and I would change the subject. Its hard, but doable. You will be much more attractive to your H when you are flowing over with self confidence and peace. I promise you.
Mark is brilliant!! I can testify this is the truth. When I was a ranting lunatic about OW (pressing for details, calling her bad names), H admitted he secretly loved it. Don't forget Mark, it also made me look immature and lacking any self respect! No more mention of OW or anything romantic at all with H.
I also second Not Just Friends.
Careful, now you are stroking my ego instead lol
Anyways...its just all kinds of wrong to namecall the OP...the best way to help yourself AND your relationship with HIM is to act as if you don't care in the slightest.
The next time he starts acting childish look at him as a CHILD and YOU as a PARENT.
Parents aren't going to resort to yelling and name calling when their children rant and throw tantrums and name call. A parent, a good one anyways, will just stand back casually and wait out the storm with indifference, arms calmly folded. When its over just say "Are you done? Because I have things to do today."
You could add "and you are just wasting my time" etc on the end of that but then you are backsliding. NO INSULTS, even subtle ones.
Indifference is your ally. Think like the Bhudda and find patience, peace, and serenity and you will find the other side of this thing.
Anyways...its just all kinds of wrong to namecall the OP...the best way to help yourself AND your relationship with HIM is to act as if you don't care in the slightest.
So true. I would call her by her name, and her name only, and ONLY at minimal times. I would rarely bring her up at all, even during R talks.
Be careful there lwb, you are a married woman and I have a bruised ego...be gentle with me. lol
I think the best way to understand this is the parent-child relationship. MOST people act like children at some points in their relationships. Most men for example don't like going to see a medical doctor, we act like big babies and need to be regarded that way.
Never argue with a child, or cater to them. Adults will grow up oftentimes if you give them the space and don't cater to childlike nonsense and behaviour.
We don't argue with children, we shouldn't waste our time name calling or fighting with adults that REGRESS into childlike behaviour. Just sit back, and show indifference, you won't be reinforcing the behaviour. You need to learn this anyways if you want to be a good parent.
Would you cater to your daughter if she threw names at you or threw a tantrum? Not likley, and i wouldn't reccomend it if you thought it might be a good course of action. Indiffrence my dear is the healthiest approach to this. Parent your H with indifference and the boy will gradually grow up.
We went on our family trip in February (Disney, every year) and it was at that point that I completely let go, stopped fighting, stopped hoping things would turn around. Don't get me wrong, we had an amazing vacation, we talked a lot of things out while on vacation and I became VERY at peace during that week. That was also the time that I told H he would not be coming back to our house upon returning.
I stopped playing tug of war with H, stopped pulling him towards me, when he was so obviously pulling away from me. Make sense?
From what I am reading the moment we drop the rope is when things actually start to have a chance...oddly enough.
I know for a fact when my attitude changed, H's did too. I never once told him "I was done, I have stopped fighting". My actions said it all. He became very friendly, SO much less defensive. He never knew what to expect from me (tears today? anger? fake happiness?). After Jan/Feb, I was really at peace and didn't fake it. That's when he really believed. Deep down, I know he loves me, but I knew that he wasn't coming back. Nothing will change that. But my new self confidence and the release of his anger has enabled us to be at peace together, and move forward, separately, but with each other's support.
