Helping OW??

[fooled again]

Cinders,

You know, I had read BFM's earlier posts a few months ago. Good idea to start rereading them.

I thought we were so close to H coming home, but I underestimated his state of confusion. Somehow I thought that if H really saw that he was about to lose me he would suddenly wake up. Why would my poor MLCer be any different when he so classically is following the MLC script. Time for more detachment. So H is pursuing me and I am detaching. If I could just lose that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach...

My only consolation at this point is that I have an idea of what OW's state of mind is, and it's not good. There is likely little hope of her ever trusting H again. If I can just be peaceful and detached and show H that I accept that our M is over and move ahead w/ my life, my goals, he will no longer feel pressure from me, only from OW. H said our M is over. Okay, so it's over. But I think I have planted so much doubt into OW's mind that she will push and push and push H back to me. My calm and peaceful acceptance of him now is crucial.

My ultimatum did serve to make sure that H is clear on what I expect from him should he decide to come back to me, but since he says it's over, there is no need to bring those things up. It's like H has said to me a few times, "I already know that. Why to do you keep telling me the same things over and over? Do you think I have forgotten?" I won't make that mistake again - it only makes him angry and pushes him away.

It will also be helpful to reread how MFW was feeling about OW at the time. BFM was so very lucky that MFW was able to talk to her honestly - I so wish my H could open up to me that way. Maybe some day...

FA