Once in therapy we had a therapist that recommended giving up sex for awhile, but do loving things like take turns giving each other back rubs. Go on dates together as friends. Sometimes this can turn up the sexual tension in a good way. Talk with the doc today so you can treat the depression. You might want to mention going on a low dose to avoid loss of sexual drive (not that that's an issue right now, but it can be a potential problem for some people).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Yep, that's the plan. COntinue to try to do the loving things, but no more laying next to each other doing nothing in bed. We don't need to give up sex for a while, we havent had sex for over 3 years. Yep, great, isn't it?
Let me just say....for those of you thinking that I must be ugly and fat for that to happen that I am not. I am 5 '10, 147 pounds, and attractive. Everyone that knows my situation don't get it..thus the wondering if he was gay. He now wants the sex (he says) but I have no desire for him right now.
Oh, another thing to add: I gave H a book entitled, "Our Love Story". It had sentence starters and blanks, etc. for him to write his feelings about our past, etc. He had once said that he always had so many feelings for me all along but just never said them. I thought this would help. Well, he comes into the bedroom a couple nights ago and I could tell he was sad, possibly crying and I asked him about it. Finally, he tells me how he can't fill that book. He said he doesn't remember any good loving things he did for me in the past, nothing romantic, .......he said he sees even more clearly how he never gave me what I needed. I said that I must not have "done it for him" and that I must not have given him what he needed either. Then, we just layed there depressed.
Hey Sooners, I did have a thread over in Piecing, but I think it finally locked up and I haven't started another one. I felt like I was boring everyone...lol. Guess I could start another one if I got enough fans....lol. Just kidding.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ok, so the self-help therapy is a bust. Don't let it get you down. If it were easy everyone would be successful. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a good result from Retrouvaille.
Sexual feelings have nothing to do with looks or weight. Unless you were tremendously obsese (and some people do find that attractive) then maybe you could blame that. I suspect your H has been depressed. I'm kind of suprised he hasn't had an affair to deal with his own depression. Does he drink or take drugs? How is he dealing with his own despression?
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
That's why I thought he was gay. Low sex drive coupled with performance anxiety is the problem I believe. I always thought he didn't find me attractive or just plain didn't love me. Still wonder about it. His personality wouldn't allow an affair. His way to deal with anything is to go to his "routine". Do nothing about anything, but keep the routine going. He doesn't drink excessively (2 beers on a weekend maybe), and definitely no drugs. He has a hard time showing affection due to his upbringing. His parents are really a piece of work. I understand why he is the way he is. Doesn't make our situation any easier to solve.
Has he had his hormones checked? Maybe he's low on testosterone. That would defintiely cause low sex drive. I think it might be beneficial to try out an appointment with a sex therapist following a hormone check. Of course, discuss these things gently with him. Would you describe him as sexually "uptight"?
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
