The kinds of things I am doing to work on myself are:
I am learning that being alone is not such a scary place after all. I can hear myself think when I'm alone.
I am going to C and really making use of her advice and taking it to heart.
I am reading - a lot. It gives me perspective and things to reflect on.
I had my hair done, had a massage and have started to lay out in the sun to get a tan.
I am organizing and cleaning to get my house in order.
I am journaling.
I am taking responsibility for myself.
I am taking more time with my appearance and being more of a "girly girl." For instance I grew my nails a bit and have been putting on polish. I try to dress nice and do my hair and makeup every day.
I spend as much time outdoors as possible.
I spend time with the dog. She's a great listener!
I make notes from the books I'm reading and keep reviewing them so I never forget what I am working toward.
I work on my communication and listening skills. Yes, this is for my husband, but it is also for me.
I am going camping by myself this weekend.
I am finding the things I enjoy doing, like dancing, and going and doing them.
On the flip side, I am also working on not being busy most of the time. I have a tendency to be busy, busy, busy. Just being and finding myself grateful for what I have is peaceful.
How is that for a start?
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
The kinds of things I am doing to work on myself are:
I am learning that being alone is not such a scary place after all. I can hear myself think when I'm alone.
I am going to C and really making use of her advice and taking it to heart.
I am reading - a lot. It gives me perspective and things to reflect on.
I had my hair done, had a massage and have started to lay out in the sun to get a tan.
I am organizing and cleaning to get my house in order.
I am journaling.
I am taking responsibility for myself.
I am taking more time with my appearance and being more of a "girly girl." For instance I grew my nails a bit and have been putting on polish. I try to dress nice and do my hair and makeup every day.
I spend as much time outdoors as possible.
I spend time with the dog. She's a great listener!
I make notes from the books I'm reading and keep reviewing them so I never forget what I am working toward.
I work on my communication and listening skills. Yes, this is for my husband, but it is also for me.
I am going camping by myself this weekend.
I am finding the things I enjoy doing, like dancing, and going and doing them.
On the flip side, I am also working on not being busy most of the time. I have a tendency to be busy, busy, busy. Just being and finding myself grateful for what I have is peaceful.
How is that for a start?
Wifey...
This sounds like a good list of things that you are doing for 'yourself'
I'm glad you and H ahd some great quality time together and the fact you realized you may have pushed abit, but rebound nicely, it helped that H was honesty with you by saying I need some space.
You sound like you are in a good place definitely be patient and watchful...
How much gear do you have for the bike? I ask because it could be a way to show that you are interested in riding by having some new gear on the next time you ride with your H. Maybe pick up some accessory for him too.
(((Trip))) I have a helmet he bought me - very nice. My leather coat came from my FIL and is over 40 years old. Very cool coat. I need boots and I'd love to save up for one of those sexy leather halters. ; )
Its hard to really know what to get him as far as an accessory. He is actually the kind of person that doesn't want you to pick stuff out for him. I thought I might buy him some stuff for cleaning and polishing the bike, because he seems to enjoy that nearly as much as riding.
(((Jeff))) As I posted on your thread, my new attitude is patient and loving. I show and tell him I love him with no expectations for anything in return. I can keep myself under control and watch him and respond in a loving way no matter how insane what he says might sound.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I'm feeling vulnerable and shaky this morning. I've been loving and patient and still see him a million miles away from me when I'm beside him. I feel like I'm the only one working on our R.
I know this is normal and that I have to be patient. This is the only place I can turn right now. I need the wisdom and experience that everyone here has to share.
Thank God for the camping trip tomorrow. I can be away from all of this and away from him. I have to find some damn strength. I have to or I am just going to give up.
Its only been 38 days and so many here have been at it so much longer. I wonder sometimes how I can keep on keeping on. I know I have to; I just don't know how.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
You are already talking sensibly and even answering your own questions in the same post. You seem to completely understand the concept, so keep with it. I think the break will do you wonders to, try to forget your sitch for a few days and just enjoy yourself.
Thanks Arthur and sgccxok. I started packing this morning and I'll finish tonight. The wine is already chilling and I will be getting my fishing license on my way home tonight. I'm taking my DB book with me and the lounge chair.
I just don't know that I can every forget about the situation. Maybe this is more to distract myself than anything.
How do I reach him? How does anything I do or say get across the divide? Do I give up and just focus on me and that will magically draw him in? It seems far too simplistic. It feels a little hopeless is what it feels like.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
On your camping trip this weekend, try and stay focused on you. Make this weekend for and all about you.
What are your goals that are just for you? What do you want as an individual out of and for your life? Think about those things and write them down. Take a journal with you and write out your emotions, goals, thoughts, anything and everything while you are out there. Start a grateful list.
I made up lists of the things I like doing and put off for a long time. I am slowly marking the things off of that list. Try and do that. It keeps you focused on you.
You are doing well and everything is going to be fine. I know it doesn't it feel like it right now but it will be. You will see.
Have a great time and enjoy that wine!
Oh, and getting the cleaning stuff for your H's bike sounds like a great idea.
