For the Guy with kids and a WW 6

[hopeful4her]

Again, thank you to those who keep up and to those who post.

kat, she was with her mom. She used the home phone. Yesterday, at MIL house, we talked about everything they did together.

Now, Thursday night is a different story. Some intel showed that her coworker texted her that she couldn't make it. Then a phone call later while roomie was on the phone with me. Coworker might have changed her mind and gone after all. Neither here nor there.
Can't care anymore.

Tom(arghhh), shot of mustard? Cool. It was tuna salad today, but gonna have ham and cheese tomorrow. I made my sandwich and left the remaining tuna on the counter. Didn't ask her today. While getting the cover to the bowl, she asked, "Are you done with the tuna?" I saide, "Yeah, you gonna have some, too? I didn't know if you wanted..." "I'll just make my own sandwich."
She sounded disappointed that I didn't automatically ask her. Almost a little upset.

Yesterday was a weird day. I think it was good, but weird.

Roomie called while I was getting ready for church. Some small talk. She had already had some coffee. Nice sleepy talk. She still had our swimming bag in her vehicle, so she wore her swim suit bottoms and my muscle t-shirt to sleep in.

I told her that sounded hot. I know she didn't expect my comment. Hell, I didn't expect my comment. She said, "My swim bottoms and your t-shirt? Yeah, right."

She asked if I was getting ready for church. I tell her yes, and I ask her if she wanted me to take anything in town to her. She tells me what clothes she would like me to bring her. I iron my clothes and a shirt for her. I stop by MIL to drop of her clothes expecting to go to church by myself. She wants to go, too.

Church sermon is about judgement day. How the ones who do will be separated from the ones who SAY they do. Separate the pretenders. Missed opportunities for ministering. While singing praise in the beginning, roomie starts her usual tears flowing. I'm pretty emotional too. At one point, she gives me a hug. She is holding the hug. Holding me tight. Letting go, she looks directly into my eyes. Her teary eyes tell me she is sorry.

Sermon ends, we sit for a little while before leaving. It feels like she wants to talk. I can feel her looking at me. I don't want to right now. I now her mom and her must have talked a lot. Her eyes were still red and a little teary just this morning when I got there.

Leaving, she tells me she wants to take her mom to the hairstylist for a cut. I say ok. First, she wants to pick up some sweet bread and take back. She invites me to have some and some cofee at MIL's. I say fine.

Still kind of quiet, in front of shop, roomie keeps asking what is wrong. What's up? I say nothing.

Then I do. Again, she gets me talking.

Overall, the conversations covered a lot. How I was worried about her being judged. Not people, but God. She got a little defensive. How she hasn't changed her mind. We talk about OM. I know she thinks she is in love with him. She calls him a friend, still. I tell her to stop insulting my intelligence. She says she is trying not to hurt me. Doesn't want to be cold hearted with her words. I tell her that her actions are just as bad. I just want her honesty. I talk about me letting her go. I can do that. She needs to find her own peace, without the burden of what she has done.

She says that she knows I have spoken to OMW. He told her. I tell her that I have never spoken to her. I tell her that OM will tell her anything. She tells me that OMW is bad. I tell her that unless she has spoken to her herself, she only knows one side. His side. If he would put his effort to her like he does to roomie, who know what might happen with his marriage. He can't be trusted. She says she doesn't trust him 100%. She she knows what she has to do. She just doesn't know HOW to do it. I tell her to just do it. She looks at me. I tell her that she is doing it to me. She says,"Yeah, look how long that took." She says he doesn't say bad things about me. I tell her there IS nothing for him to say that is bad. I remind her that he has said some things that are not true.

I tell her that I want her to know what I want. I love her, I want to work on our marriage, anything is possible. I want her to say that she did everything possible to make it work. THEN after, if things still are the same, then we know we tried. It can be over. I tell her I feel peace that my kids know I tried. I have spoken to them. She says that she needs to protect her heart.

Other stuff. Stuff that we needed to say. In the end, out of the car, I stop her, grab each hand into my own hands, and look her in the eyes. I tell her:
"I love you."
"Don't say that."
"I love you enough to let you go. I am man enough to let you go."
"I am big enough to let you go."

We go inside of shop, she is asking me what I want to eat. Would I rather go have tacos somewhere. I say no. We pick. Then back to MIL's house. They are telling me how much they talked. How much they cried. Sitting at table, MIL is talking. Roomie serves me. MIL talks about family issues. I start to ask MIL questions. Her family is messed up. We talk about generations. MIL agrees to a lot of what I say. We start talking about relationships. She tells me about being married to roomies father. Issues. How she felt. He was a father figure. She outgrew him. Roomie says, "Mom, all the things you just said, I have told Roger."
I ask MIL to expand so I can retort. I ask her to define outgrew. I comeback. MIL is not helping at this point. She is not purposely sabotaging, but not helping. But I know they hear my side. They are listening to me. Again, a good conversation overall. For all of us.

They go to hang out, and I leave to go hit some golf balls. D11 calls me. "Are you going to come see us?" After all this talking, I miss them already. I tell them that I can pick them up and take them swimming if they want to. I changed my plans. I pick them up. We go swimming for a few hours. Good times with my girls. Just us. I do keep an eye on the phone. No call from roomie. Good. She is not coming. We finish and I take back to my parents. I do not stay. My relationship is a little strained with them anyway. Not the same. They don't understand me wanting to keep trying. Oh well. Someday, they'll understand.

Roomie calls as I head out. I don't take the call. VM says she is checking on us and going to grab a bite to eat with MIL and then head home. Call me. I don't. Get home and she calls me again. I don't take it, but call her back. She is on her way. I begin to tidy up and prepare something for me to eat. Roomie comes home. I am quiet with her again. Trying to see what her reaction will be. She tries to talk.

I have been thinking about her and OM. Just making myself more angry. Thats why I am quiet again.

She showers. I shower. She asks me if I want to watch a movie.
"Sure".
We still have 3 movies to watch. She asks which one. I say for her to pick. She puts them behind her back, I choose the middle. "Fools Gold".

She is getting some watermelon, and asks me if I want some, too. I tell her I'll get myself some.
"Now what's the matter?"
"Nothing. Why?"
"Short answers from you."
"Nothing."

Sitting down next to each other watchig movie, she is eating popsicles. She is laying kind of sideways. The way she like to sit to watch a movie. I'm sitting on my end, but her feet are pressing on the side of my knee. That USED to be our norm. Her feet on me. These past few months, she makes sure not to be touching me at all. NO contact. Now her feet are on me. I tap her hip and motion for her to let me have a popsicle, too. She give me one.

Gets up and comes back and puts a pack of popsicles on my leg. I am wearing boxers and she is in her clingy knee length nighty. I yell and she is laughing. Just as she is about to sit down, I take the popsicles and put them up under her nighty and put them on her a**. She screams and we both laugh. She again sit with her feet on me. Finish the movie. Get to bed.

In bed, she tells me goodnight, very sweetly. Goodnight.
I am tossing because my back is hurting. She complained about her feet on Friday.
"Hey, do your feet still hurt?"
"What?"
"Are your feet still hurting you?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I make a deal with you. If you give me a back massage, I'll give you a foot massage."
"With the machine or my hands?"
"I don't care."
"Ok."
She gets up to close our bedroom door. She complains that she thinks she has razor burn on her upper thigh, hip area. I see her picking up her gown. Feeling her skin. She puts some vaseline and then brings the vaseline and gives it to me. She gets the back massager and starts in. She tells me to take off my shirt. I do. I let her massage for about 20 minutes.

Ahhh!

When she finishes, I see her looking distant. Like thinking. I say thanks.
"You don't have to give me a foot massage." She gets up and turns off the light.
"Besides, my feet are really rough and cracked."
"Thats why you need the vaseline rub, dork."

I position myself and ask for her feet. She gives to me. I massage each foot and put socks on her.

She says thank you.
I say, "Thank YOU."

I already wrote about this morning.

I don't see that I have anything to lose. I do all I can for my kids. Right now, I am a full time parent. Taking advantage of that. I am not catering to her at this point. I see us having some more conversations. I think we NEED them.

If she goes, she goes. I am not chasing her off by talking to her. She knows my stand. Not going to repeat it. I am going to work on me. I will have plenty of time when she goes. May have a talk with her about what her fears are. What is she afraid of? Why does she feel like she has to protect her heart from me? What did that mean?

Not an R talk, just some deep conversation. Why not? Can't hurt. I'm sure we'll catch another flick tonight. Maybe after. See how it goes. She's leaving anyway, right? I'm not going crazy. Have some good talk, and then she goes.

But what if?

For those whose spouse is already out the door, what would ya'll have done different? Since my pull back, she IS acting differently. In a good way. I think the separation will do us some good.

Let the beatings begin.