Jill, sweetie, calm down. First of all, you need to own a few things: 1) You overreacted to this because of your history with your first husband. That's not H's fault. He hasn't given you any reason to worry about his drinking, so a one-time event, when he is out having a good time with his buddies, should not be a big deal. I'd say your Father's Day present was a success - he went out and had a great time. (BTW - there may have been some social pressure involved here, H trying to "fit in" with the guys).
2) While he's drunk or hung over is NOT the time to address your very legitimate concerns that you would have liked him to call. You just came off as a nagging mother instead of an equal partner calmly asking for some respect. Guys do NOT want you to be their mom!! Don't go there. Should have waited a day, until he was sober, then said something like "It bothered me that you were so late and didn't call. The girls and I were waiting to celebrate Father's Day with you. In the future, I would like you to call when you are going to be late. And maybe next Father's Day, we could plan something for the family, and have the golf thing be on another day."
3) Bear in mind, your vision for Father's Day and his may be completely different. Some people feel it's a day to spend with family, being close. Other's feel it's a day "off" from parenting - like the mom who goes out to a spa, no cooking, or the local woman who went surfing all day on Mother's Day. These may be different from your expectations, but it is a legitimate way to look at these holidays too.
So - yes your H was a bonehead for not calling - but you overreacted and turned it into a much bigger negative. So apologize to him. Explain your concerns calmly, but at a later date, after you have repaired this.
Okay - off topic - how's your 12 week challenge going? S16 and I are starting ours today!
