Hi, I'm new to the forum.

[Virtually_Handsome]

There's a little pond by our house that the people let me fish at. I usually de-barb the hook and do it just for fun.

Should I be distant or pleasant when he comes in the door? I'm not feeling too pleasant at the moment.

That sounds nice! What do you catch?

I think I would aim for civil, and be satisfied with that! Pleasant seems a stretch, with what you have to tell him. You aren't going to be able to fake it, anyway.

[mishka422]

((((((((Kelly Jo))))))))))

I'm so sorry he is hurting you like this. I'm afraid I don't have any wise words for you other than to say ditto to everything Jeff said. He's right on the money.

[The Wifey]

I am reading a book a friend recommended (It seems I read a lot these days) called "Too good to leave, to bad to stay." It's funny, as I read it I see all the reasons our marriage is too good to leave. But, I don't want the H to read it because he would find many reasons in there why its too bad to stay M to me.

It is sad, but it also shows me where I need to focus my 180's. I have to do this for both of us. I am convinced that part of this is a MLC on his part. Where he isn't sure I am 100% sure that I want him. (Notice I said want and not need. This is a huge step for me to differentiate.)

One of the questions to ask yourself in the book is "Are you willing to give to your spouse, with your present situation, with no expectations of any return?" I answered yes. I still want to give to him.

Even if he ultimately rejects any attempts I make to get close or to show him positive changes, he will have no doubts when he makes that decision that I loved him as best I could.

I have a lot of ground to cover yet. DB needs to become my life's work. I have to GAL and work on what makes me happy.

I'm glad to have him in the house. I didn't read him my email and I didn't make him sleep on the air mattress. I dug down deep and did tell him that I wish he'd been clear on how he felt before he ML to me. He asked if I regretted the night before.

I told him I didn't regret one minute of it. I wished the following morning had been different, but that any time I can show him and receive from him the love that we have I will do so.

I'm more than a little irritated that friends keep telling me not to be a doormat; don't let him have his cake and eat it, too. Please understand, I am a big girl. I know I can get burned. I know my life is tenuous at best.

He hasn't turned away from me completely. He reaches out to me as I reach out to him. When he reaches out I will be there.

My C and I talked and I explained that we are soul-mates. She replied that there is nothing to be afraid of then. I feel fearless today. I am focused and working on me.

I've always been afraid of roller coasters. That might have to be the next fear I break myself of, because I'm in the front car and at the brink. There's no brakes and the game is on.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Kelly Jo)))))

Fearless, and focused on you! That sounds like good combination to me!

[LolaL]

(((Kelly Jo))) Just catching up. How are you doing???

[The Wifey]

(((Lola, Jeff)))

I am pretty good this morning. Friday my H and I took the motorcycle into Letchworth State Park for several hours, stopping several places along the park. It has a beautiful gorge, waterfalls, etc. I told him how it touched me that he could recognize beauty. It was a very nice, romantic even, time together.

Around 2:30 we went to his mom's to see his cousins that came up from Alabama and then we had a picnic at the house.

Friday we went back to the park on the motorcycle, but led the cousins/kids. We did some more touring and then spent some time watching the kids play on the playground.

All this was good. H said it was like having me be his girlfriend.

Unfortunately I heard Shania Twain's song on the ride home "You're still the one" that has always been special to me. I came home crying when we took the motorcycle home to get the car. I calmed down but was really out of sorts when we went to watch fireworks.

Sunday morning I asked and asked to go with him on the motorcycle. He insisted that I not go and that he needed his space. I'm glad he did, though.

I was asking for too much, too soon. I had to back off a little (a lot!)

I did laundry and cleaned the house after he left. Then I went to my mom's and laid out in the sun. I had dinner with my parents and then went home.

By the time he came home I was just happy to see him. I had chilled out and he looked at me with what I could swear was relief. I even offered to give him a back rub before he went to sleep, which he liked very much after the weekend of riding.

I'm reading "The new rules of marriage" which was recommended to me by my C. I'd recommend it if you are looking for another good book to read.

I can see how I have to work on me, my self confidence, my feelings in order to get our r to change and improve. Today I am just grateful for the weekend we spent together.

I also have my camping trip to look forward to this weekend. I'm going alone with the dog. H will have an entire weekend of freedom and I will be alone in my little head. I need this.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Kelly Jo)))))

It sounds like you had a good weekend!

And you learned a bit, too. Things are going to happen at a much clower rate than you'd like them to, and if you try to speed them up, you'll just slow them down!

[The Wifey]

You are right, Jeff. I have to be patient. I have to back off and let him see that I am in control of myself. I have to enjoy the time together and then just back off.

He knows that I love him and tells me he loves me if I say it to him first.

Patience and working on myself. Got it. Starting, just starting, working on it......

[Virtually_Handsome]

Remind me, too, now and then, ok?

[The Wifey]

Sure thing. That's what friends are for. Thanks for being a friend.