Trying ... well if you can call it that, I guess.

[Abbey]

Wifey, I"m going to need it a lot longer than that, I'm afraid. I just went "Last Resort", dark. And just spent a good portion of the day in bed. *sigh*

Last night, mine finally admitted his "new" relationship with the woman who broke us up. He still swears that they only started their relationship 2 weeks ago. But he also tried to tell me that my supposed lover told him that he had slept with me... which he later then claimed it was a friend of my supposed lover. after I said: That's all interesting... cuz it never happened. He also claimed he never had affairs on either of his wives. I know that to be completely untrue (I was one of them). He's completely re-written history to suit his own skewed version of it.

When I noticed he wasn't wearing his ring any more, I asked him and he then confirmed he was seeing her. I then got up from the resto table, I left the resto and made a bit of scene before I left. He was dumbstruck. I figure he just figured I would take this all in stride, like everything else. Nope. Lying to me about the affair he started way before this... is just more lies, lies, lies and isn't the man I new for the first 15 of our 19 year relationship.

He left 2 long messages on my machine, and we then talked on the phone last night. I told him he had his say, now it was my turn.

He came over this morning to give me the last of 2 boxes of things that were mine which I asked that he do because I simply didn't want to see him anymore. Standing at the door when he got here, he looked at me in my eyes for a few moments and then he reached out and hugged me. We talked about my quitting doing work for him completely and cutting all ties. He seemed lost,.... who was going to do the things that I used to do for him. Anyway, I offered to do the job he wanted me to do (took 15 minutes on computer.)

He played with the critters and again was really emotional about seeing them. Even had to turn his back to me because he was emotional.

We talked some more and I confirmed that I just didn't want to see him anymore. I just simply cannot do it. It hurts to much and every time I see him, it's like living the death of the relationship over and over again. All I want to do is go lay in bed and cry after wards. So... any work that he still needs me for, will be on the phone, and via email until the end of the year.

I need to move forward with my life and let him realize that a woman with 4 kids ... who at this point, god only knows is going leave them with the husband, or live with them .... isn't going to be a bed of roses. I have to let him go. Which is what I told him. He still doesn't want to end all ties with me... which is so painful. He reached out and hugged me before he left twice. He couldn't look at me straight in the face.

Oh... and the parasite and her H are now officially separated. (how timely and convenient eh?) LRT, I guess is where I am. Take care of me. Be the best person I can try to be. And leave a small place in my heart in case he comes to his senses and comes back.

I don't want to be done, but I just can't be near him right now. It just rips me to pieces.

Abbey