JL, Of course lawyers want you to file--that's their job. Although mine actually told me to wait until I was ready. Didn't expect to hear that one.
Anyway, did you ask your H what he needed that kind of money for? I know that you are thinking lawyer--but what about this vacation thing that you found out about. Would he be pulling money out for that? Sorry, I don't want to give you something else to worry about--but I am sure this thought probably already entered your mind. Do you have an account of your own somewhere? If not, maybe it's time to protect yourself some.
Quote: He called about an hour later, saying he was thinking of taking S6 on Sun to an old fashioned village with a working steam engine that you can ride on. I wanted to clarify with him if he was including me or not (a while back he was making these arrangements assuming I was going, while I was assuming I wasn't). He said he hadn't thought about it, but it would be fun if we all went. He just wants it fun though, not for it to get bitchy (his word). Is that how he sees me right now? I've never been a bi*** in my life!
JL, he probably thinks that your asking questions of him and bringing up R is bitc*ing right now. As far as you going with them, that's up to you. Do you think that you would have fun, or do you think that you would be trying to talk to him about OW or your R? I say go if you can go with the idea that you are just out with a friend having a good time. No R talks.
For you JL, don't file for D unless you are absolutely ready for that. But I would say, don't sit back and wait for things to happen to you--take control of your own life. I felt lost for a long time, and I am still grieving--but I felt better when I started taking action and control of my own life. If that means that you put a little money away for lawyers fees 'just in case' then do it. For me it was getting my own bank acct. and paying my bills myself. I also take care of things around here the best that I can. I don't have a choice right now, and it looks like it's something that I better get used to.
Do what you have to do for yourself. Take care of you and your kids. I felt threatened in some way, that's why I opened a separate acct., that's why I went and talked to a lawyer. I have found out this past year that I can survive without him. Didn't mean that I wanted to, I just didn't have the choice.
It will take time for you to see things clearly. I still don't understand how I got to this place, but I know that I cannot force him home, I cannot make him love me--but I do know that I am stronger than I ever was and am fully capable of surviving without him.
