WOW!! progress w H? Keeping my PMA

[pisces9]

my H said he wanted a D multiple times as well..i didnt fall for it and i just listened....it was very painful. i am still scared he will say it again...i do not know what to make of this- i wished for this for so long and now he said it and i cant believe it. i have to trust myself and know that he wants to come back. another good part is that he reached out to his guys friend that is my best friends H...they have the best marriage n the world and they work at it everyday. so my H knows this and is seeking help from him..i know this means he wants to work on things. he hasnt said it to me yet- but his ACIONS - just like ours are telling me something! and i think i am almost ready to move to piecing ...not sure yet!

my biggest lesson here was detachment from his words. i used to react to it all- bc i was sop scared he would say something mean- which he didnt do very often- i would get my defenses up and fight back. no i just listen...sometimes I squirm through my clothes , bite my tongue (lightly) tap my legs (under the table), pinch my fingers together....i just SHUT UP and let him talk. he really isnt trying to hurt me- he is trying to talk.

i want to keep this feeling of being detached alive forever...it is the only way.