Thanks Hoping for responding. I am getting myself in a little better place today. Stomach still in knots, hoping that goes away soon.

Yesterday, my H did call. But I was out when he did. He left a message about wanting to talk about his 2 e-mails. He said he'd be out for awhile for a meeting then would be back and we could talk. I called while he was gone and told him I was not comfortable talking to him at the moment that I was sending him an email to respond to the ones he sent.

I sat here and validated his points, and actually did agree with most of them. What I still can't understand is the things he talks about to me do not seem so incredibly serious that he has to leave and not even try to work them out.

I didn't rehash the past. He said he couldn't rewrite history, I responded that I never asked him to, I didn't want to go back to the past, but that I had hoped he'd be here to help write a future. I used "I" statements throughout the letter, and didn't name call, or bash or blame (I don't think).

I told him that once he got my email and thought about it, to let me know, then maybe we could talk. Not really sure if I'll hear from him today or not. Still not sure if I'm ready, or if I'm just postponing the inevitable. He still hasn't really said what he does want.

Shiny, I have a question for you (or anybody else who's faced this problem) Did your H ever have a huge fear of facing your family or friends, the people closest to you? Was he ever afraid that he would never be accepted by them again, and think that it would be a wedge between you? That is one of the issues my H has described. I am close to my family, but do not afford them the control to tell me what I need to do with my life. I validated his feelings that it would really hard at family gatherings, but also told him they do not live in our shoes, and that my own family and marriage will always be above and beyond them. Is he just using it as an excuse?

Anyway, after almost 2 pages, I'm not sure it will do anything. No expectations (at least I'm trying to believe that). But I feel its the beginning of the end. Trying not to panic, but scared to death.

Another thing he talked about was not feeling passion for me. I said I was sorry he felt that way. I also agreed that its an important part in a marriage. But I did say that I say it as a result of our drifting apart, not a reason. I also said that as long as he's interested in developing passion for someone else that the passion he's looking for towards me will not come. And if he's not willing to give up that interest, it was a moot point and nothing else to say about it.

I have tried really hard to be kind, to the point and respond to his points. Another one is our communication. Agreed on his points that it has been getting better over the last while, but it's safe and superficial(his words). But I asked if he felt that when communication breaks down, is it not possible to revive it?

I guess I just asked questions for him to think about. Probably won't get answers for them, or if I do I still won't understand.

I also added (and I know this may be bad DBing, but don't think its ever occured to him) I wonder if your prepared to someday have someone else to help raise S6? That some day I will move on and possibly remarry? Maybe a bad thing to say, but I want him to truly think about the future. I know he's not really doing that, and may not for a long while.

Anyway, that's about the jist of what I wrote. Maybe that was the last nail. Not really sure. He just still seems so messed up. I just want my family intact again. With a better marriage, better communication, and more passion then he's ever dreamed of!

The ball is in his court now, its up to him how this proceeds. I have finally spoken to a lawyer (a couple actually) and do feel a bit better about where I stand finacially. But I am certain I do not want to file first. I don't want this and am not going to make it that easy on him. I won't fight him, but not making it easy. If that's where this goes. He still has not said anything about divorce, one way or the other. Its like he can't even say the word.

Any comments, suggestions, or whacks upside the head are welcome.

JL

Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...