So what is your strategy now? I think that Michelle has some good advice in DR about how to deal with MLC as the fog starts to lift? It seems that he needs someone who he respects, but that also respects him??? Definitely keep your boundaries firm, but start occasionally finding something to complement him on? Esp. relating to S5 when he does good by him?
You are a truely amazing woman, Sunny. Keep up the good work!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Now just Procrastinate ( is that the spelling ?) , something I am good at . If he asks about it tell him you have looked at it but need time to consider it , need to get advice ...etc etc...
Just checking in on everyone every my little break. I see you are still hanging in there...I hope you are gaining perspective and your needs in focus.
Of course, I have headed down the othe path and am posting over in surviving starting today. Felt like I meeded to start posting again as I was getting some whoa is me feelings. I seem to work things out better when looking at different sitches.
Anyway, keep on trucking
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
It seems that he needs someone who he respects, but that also respects him??? Definitely keep your boundaries firm, but start occasionally finding something to complement him on?
I think you're right on about this SD, it's definitely shifting the R into what's required of him, & not just whether he decides he might want to come back to the M.
Funny how noticeable & immediate the shift was....I was remiss in not enforcing boundaries earlier.
Nothing has been mentioned about "The Offer" Dave, I'm detecting regret that he gave it to me. Similar to those who have given their WA's the DB book in the beginning, or some that have filed quickly themselves (& changed their minds).
Quote:
You make me feel like we were all lil DB angels sitting on your shoulder.. being there for you as this was going on.
When I first came upon this site I had no idea that there would be angels sitting on my shoulder. What a blessing it is! Thanks Gypsy!
Nice to hear from you WAW, I'll be over to visit you soon. It does help to look at different sitch's & perspectives, doesn't it!
Had a really fine 4th weekend. Actually, it started on Thursday with the arrival of my x-sister-in-law, & her BF, & continued until last night.
H came to drop off S5 @ 6pm & was supposed to leave & come back that night to meet us for the fireworks. We had an enormous feast laid out (SIL is Greek, there can never be too much), friends dropping by & plenty of merriment going around. He pulled up a bar stool & never left. We all had a great time, although I kept my distance.
The next day he made plans with all of us & wouldn't take no for an answer easily. Sorry, you checked out of the family H.
Enforced my boundaries all weekend, with escalating pressure from him to drop them & roll over. He called over & over, & came by needing something or other, acting as if nothing was amiss.
He's amazingly persistent, reminds me of Ari Gold on Entourage.
Looks like he's trying to get things back in his comfort zone.
Interesting to see that different actions actually do bring different results.
Well, I'm not so sure how different it was......H came by to pick up S5 for dinner tonight wearing the same clothes as he left in yesterday (OW lives near here & he had been with us for most of the 4th weekend.) Wanted to know if my nephew & S16 wanted to go with them.
I've been in the "well done" catagory all day. Why doesn't he leave the others in my family besides S5 alone.
So, I'm at the end I suppose, as I asked him to respect my boundaries in just including our S & not others. I also said I was done....over having it in my face.
