It is complicated isn't it? To me it is like a fact patttern on a law school test with no right answer.
And M GF told me this AFTER I was in Margarita/Grenadine/Tequila Land. And in gut reaction in my head was = How can you do this? It is so WRONG!!! But I kept my mouth shut and listened. There are times when you just listen to your friends than try to fix things.
The H and W sleep together in the same room. She does her flings when she goes on vacation with her GF - maybe once or twice a year. There are no surface indications of the affair. But well kids are smart - it is very possible they will figure it out when they are older.
I did manage to talk to her about how she may be able to persuade H to get help. For a long time she didn't know why H was unable to view her as a sexual being.
I myself judged M GF unfairly and posted about it b/c she has had augmentation surgery, botox, etc. After 14 years - her self esteem with respect to her own sexuality is shot. She really is a very beautiful woman - didn't need all that stuff. She found out about the abuse just a year or two ago.
M GF recently lost her step mother to a prolonged illness to cancer where she was the "responsible" one. Her parents were D - and there were step mother issues so her biological mother and her are on a R hiatus.
Hurting people hurt other people. Another kernel of wisdom from my C. H is hurting from his past - and he doesn't even know why. I am sure he is not happy about the situation. W is hurting b/c her H is incapable of viewing her as a sexual being. And I am sure some of the more recent events pushed her over the edge.
If W could have a wish come true - she wants her H. She doesn't want this 22 year old that she is having a fling with.
I did grill M GF on protection. I went as far as to tell her oral stuff was out b/c there are studies that show that HPV can cause throat cancer. I told her to "double glove" - perhaps not pratical - but to drive home the risks involved. She never had the comprehensive sex education that I did in high school. The fling claims he is getting tests done. I told her that didn't mean anything and discussed incubation periods, etc.
I am there for M GF b/c she is my friend. And sometimes as a friend you have to let your friend walk their path in life and figure it out for themselves. You can guide a friend - you cannot protect people from themselves. You sometimes have to watch friends do things where they hurt themselves and then you are there for them if/when they fall.
Like I said - my posts would have had a very different tone a year ago. Things are never black and white - they are shades of gray. People are human - and we have to accept that we are all fallible human beings.
I am glad you posted about this. I had so many Unusual things happen this past weekend - I really hadn't thought this one through.
