Thank you so much Sue and DNO for replying. I am at such a low point right now, I hope you realize how much it helps me to have your support.

I did stay away today when H brought the racecar back. I was up at my Mom's for the whole day, got back when I knew for sure he'd be gone. Just don't trust myself right now if I were to see him.

I had no idea what I would find when I got home. Wasn't sure if he'd have packed all his clothes, taken anything, written a note. What he did leave was an 8x10 picture of me in the racecar on the racetrack. He had to spend $20 for it from the photographer that's out there every race taking pictures of the cars. And a quick note saying "It's you from co-driver race! H". Is this his way of trying to lessen the guilt? Don't get me wrong I'm excited that I now have my very own racing picture, but why did he do this? He even completely emptied the cooler, but the drinks and stuff back in the fridge. He's always just left it for me to do in the past. And nothing is missing.

Have been struggling with the physical pain of having a broken heart today. It's been incredibly hard. I know I am just now dealing with the full pain of betrayal, something I didn't do when I first found out about his "friend". Just wanted to believe him so badly. Now the trust is completely gone.

DNO, thanks for your insight about the rings. Today I couldn't bear to put them on, so I didn't. The word "farce" comes to mind right now about me wearing them. They have no meaning anymore. I used them as a shield, my hope that things will improve. Who knows what I'll do tomorrow. As Scarlett says "Tomorrow's another day".

I am coming to the decision as I do calm a bit, that I will not file for a D. I will not do his dirty work for him. If it becomes necessary to file for LS to protect myself and my son financially then I will. But this is not my choice. Of course, I'm not saying I'll never file, but as of right now, I refuse. Does that make any sense?

So, I am retreating for now, licking my wounds (and they are very deep ), and determined to not to have any contact with him for awhile. My Mom suggested taking a week and visiting a friend in Nebraska who's H just died several weeks ago, that she'd love to have company and would love to see the boys. I'm not sure. It sounds like a good idea, but not sure if I'm ready to do that yet. Might be good for me to get away for awhile, but my head is not thinking real well right now, so no sudden decisions for me.

My girlfriend told me tonight after I told her what I found here at the house, was that she's not surprised that he took nothing. He'll keep it the way it is for as long as he can. Having the best of both worlds. Does anyone have any opinions on that?

Here's to hoping I have a better day tomorrow. Thank God my C appt is tomorrow afternoon.

Trying to regroup,

JL

Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...