Trouble on the lake erie shore #3

[Bridgestone]

hi Neilh
I wanted to weigh in, as best I could, on this point.

good point about M. it did suck for her. i'm beginning to realize how little my needs were met too. I just wouldn't have walked away. Does that make me a better person? no.

H is starting to voice a version of this as well (12 months after I left). 18 months after I told him there were problems in a way that he finally heard.

He sat in counseling session after counseling session for monhts, and said "it was all good for me, sure there were fights, but all in all, it was good"

My question to you:
So if you wouldn't walk away from a R in which your needs aren't being met, what does that make you, if you claim it doesn't make you a "better person"?

Because to me, it sounds like you think it does.

You wanted a WAW POV:
To me, in my situation, as part of our R talk and improving things talk, I would tell my H what my issues were that I was working on and how it was impacting our R. : codependency, bad boundaries, family history issues, self-esteem issues.

Within a week or two of this 'sharing', guess what he all of a sudden has "issues" with? Same laundry list, but his were much worse, and he was coping just fine. I think I could have said "i have a yeast infection" and he would've had one too, but was managing with the Monstat 7.

So when I hear him telling me "my needs weren't met in the R, but I wouldn't have walked away", it smacks to me of the same behaviour he had when we were trying to work it out. One upsmanship.

That is my view, I don't know how your wife views it. My M. circumstances are different than the ones she left.

Is that what you wanted a POV on or was there something else?