((((JL)))), Sorry that you are going through this right now. I remember quite some time back you mentioning another woman. And no, I don't think that you dealt with it then either because you wanted to believe him. Your gut instinct was telling you otherwise.
Don't push any more R talks, especially about her. It will just push him futher away. Take care of you right now. You have been here long enough to know that you cannot control him--you cannot force him to stop seeing her, and you cannot force him to come home. He has to make these decisions on his own.
Maybe it is a good idea that you not be at the house when he drops off the race car. Especially if you know there is a very good chance that you will attack. (verbally I mean--although a physical attack would be very gratifying at times )
You need time to get beyond this initial hurt and anger so that you can deal with him calmly and not emotionally.
I understand about the ring also. I took mine off shortly after H left. I couldn't bare to look at it. How could I where something that meant absolutely no commitment from him. I did move my anniversary band to that finger tho', after all, I was still married.
But the day that I filed I removed it for good. I figure, even if he does come back into my life, and that is highly unlikely now--that marriage is over. After almost three weeks, you can still see where the band was. I feel like I've been branded.
Removing the ring is up to you. But I will say that the first time I removed mine, I wonder if it sent a single to my H that I had already quit our marriage. I'm not sure. But that same month he began seeing his skank. Of course, I know that he was already in contact with her over the internet and phone, but she came running down here from hundreds of miles away that month and never went back. Black toothed bit#$!! (Sorry, just venting. See, after 10 months of him living openly with her, the hurt and anger are still here for me. Will be for a long time.)
I don't think that you have ruined your chanced JL, but you don't want to continue what you are doing right now. You will drive him away. Time to regroup--draw back and lick your wounds. He knows he's an ass--he doesn't need you to remind him. Feels good to vent once in awhile on them tho' doesn't it.
This last time that I finally told my H how everything that he had done had made me feel and what I thought about it--I felt wonderful when it was over. Very calm and cleansed. But I am realizing that my marriage is over and I did everything that I could to save it. He just doesn't want to be here anymore. So I'm cutting him loose to have his life with his little skank. Hope that they are absolutely miserable together and one day he regrets giving up his wife and everything he had.
You will know when you are totally fed up. I don't hear that in you yet. Right now, you are just very hurt and angry.
You will probably have to sit back and let this thing with this OW play out. You have to decide if you are willing to do that. I guess I watched my H play long enough. He wants her, he can have her.
Perhaps you moved to piecing too soon. I think that you should be here when you both are ready to piece. This is a very slow process JL. You have to decide how long you are willing to wait.
Now, do you want to fight for your marriage, or are you done?
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