Pieces surfacing, where's the puzzle picture?

[JustLearning]

Tonight was a great night for me! (and only about me! ). I had class tonight which went really well, considering on Tue night class, I was freaking out b/c I was so far behind in getting my presentation ready. But instructor changed due dates around and that took off so much pressure! God was truly helping me this week!! And on top of that, I am finally getting a good grasp of some of the drawing techniques we're learning about! Yeah for me!! So now presentation isn't due until next Tue, and the icing on the cake: she gave us a take home final exam!Whoo Hoo! How great is that!

Back to tonight. When I got out of clas it was 10pm, and the sun had set, but lighting the horizon. It turned the black sky that wonderful midnight blue with lighter shades of blue going to the horizon. Completely clear, no moon or stars, but one planet shining its light on me (not sure which planet). It was the first time I actually found myself fully enjoying the natural wonder of this planet of ours. What a great feeling of contentment. I knew for absolute certain, no matter how things in my life turn out, I will be just fine. What a liberating feeling!

Now, about the uncertain part of my life: my H. He still has not given me an answer as to whether he will be going to the wedding with me & the kids on Sat. I am pretty sure the answer is going to be no, and I'm completely prepared for it. That is the expectation. Is that wrong?

But I am looking forward to going to the wedding reception Sat night (will actually miss the wedding b/c of S6's last soccer game). I can't wait to wear one of my fancy new gowns. I am going uptown, baby!! Going to do my nails (and toes ), I bought fancy new sexy shoes, I have a beaded fancy handbag that will be perfect too. Gosh, I haven't been this excited about anything in what seems like forever! I may even stay overnight, since its a bit of a drive from home. Can't wait!

The other news is that H actually called the mtg. company about refinancing the house. We got the papers in the mail today. He actually made a decision!

I find too that b/c we talk about looking for small baby steps, I am getting hung up on ALL the little things. Like H always wants to drive seperately to things. We went to McD's with S6 on Father's Day. We drove 2 cars b/c he said he would be easier for me to head to my parents afterward. We only live a mile from McD. When we leave the racetrack, he hangs way way back and is almost always behind me. I cross over the highway he gets on to go back to wherever it is that he's living. He never answers the phone at the house when I'm not there, but I know he checks caller ID b/c he'll answer it if its me.

There are positives. He cleaned up his mess in the garage the other night. He put away the dinner mess he made when he fed kids. He even apologized for keeping me up so late when he left at 1am Tue night! (not sure if that was b/c I got my pj's on before he left, told him not to worry, that he wasn't). On his own suggestion, he took the kids to the movie theater to see new Rugrats movie.

So many pluses and minuses, how do I know where this is really going? So many good, and still so many bad(for me, at least) I still can't seem to grasp a direction.

But for some reason, I'm still hanging in there. Only God knows why, I suppose, because I sure don't.

Let me know what you all think.