Things do pick up at home when I give, give, give (emotionally, physically and financially) but sometimes I wish we could both sit down and be relaxed in each others company and not worry about us, I don't think we've ever had that.
This reminds me a lot of the couple that we just went camping with over the weekend. The H is your classic "nice guy" who just continually works himself to death trying to please his W. And she is never happy, never satisfied - everything he does, she has a whiny, nagging complaint that it is not good enough. He never gets thanked, he never gets told he's done a good job. I listened to the stream of words coming out of her mouth and thought "Doesn't she realize that every time she does that, she kills a little more of his attraction for her? I'll bet the day after the last of their kids moves out of the house, he starts packing himself."
Now, of course, he contributes to the dynamics of this R as well. I really want to take him out for a few beers and say "Grow a pair, friend!" It would be good for him, and who knows - it might even be good for the R. After all, one person can't change their role in a relationship without the other person changing as well - it's inevitable. No guarantees that W will change in a way that pleases him - but I can't imagine it being much worse than it is now!
I'm not saying your own R is in the same state as this couple - but I do see some similarities with the way your W acts. Do you?
Originally Posted By: Lanzo
W already thinks I do to many activites on my own. How else could I have survived over the baron years.
In other words, you have been out Getting A Life. Doing things for yourself, being happy on your own and not relying on W for your happiness. A very important part of DBing - one that is very good for you, and also helped make you attractive to her again. This SHOULD NOT END once your M is back on better footing.
I have to wonder, WHY does she think you do too many activities on your own? Is it because she misses the time together and wants to use it to improve your R? Or is it because she finds your independence threatening?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
