W still has her "negatives" but I try to tackle the situations differently. You can tell anyone anything .... it all depends on how and sometimes when, the message is transmitted.
just acknowledgeing a key point, which I'll find vey useful in my sitch.(Thanks)
I lost a filling and broke off part of the remaining tooth (ouch). I had a dentist look at it and all he said was "not much hope left for that tooth I'll have to extract it" (censored!!). I'm not sure what hurt most the extraction of the tooth, or the extraction of money from my wallet to pay the bill.
W was out to a 70th birthday party last night With b/f and IL's,she came in at the small hours and woke me to snuggle up to her, nothing more that that but it was still nice
Quiet Sunday today, church in the morning, short cylce ride instead of gym in the afternoon. Dinner with IL's, watched Tennis late into the evening. The end of another week.
Things do pick up at home when I give, give, give (emotionally, physically and financially) but sometimes I wish we could both sit down and be relaxed in each others company and not worry about us, I don't think we've ever had that.
This reminds me a lot of the couple that we just went camping with over the weekend. The H is your classic "nice guy" who just continually works himself to death trying to please his W. And she is never happy, never satisfied - everything he does, she has a whiny, nagging complaint that it is not good enough. He never gets thanked, he never gets told he's done a good job. I listened to the stream of words coming out of her mouth and thought "Doesn't she realize that every time she does that, she kills a little more of his attraction for her? I'll bet the day after the last of their kids moves out of the house, he starts packing himself."
Now, of course, he contributes to the dynamics of this R as well. I really want to take him out for a few beers and say "Grow a pair, friend!" It would be good for him, and who knows - it might even be good for the R. After all, one person can't change their role in a relationship without the other person changing as well - it's inevitable. No guarantees that W will change in a way that pleases him - but I can't imagine it being much worse than it is now!
I'm not saying your own R is in the same state as this couple - but I do see some similarities with the way your W acts. Do you?
Originally Posted By: Lanzo
W already thinks I do to many activites on my own. How else could I have survived over the baron years.
In other words, you have been out Getting A Life. Doing things for yourself, being happy on your own and not relying on W for your happiness. A very important part of DBing - one that is very good for you, and also helped make you attractive to her again. This SHOULD NOT END once your M is back on better footing.
I have to wonder, WHY does she think you do too many activities on your own? Is it because she misses the time together and wants to use it to improve your R? Or is it because she finds your independence threatening?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
By the way, if she wants to sleep in on weekends, why don't you get up early and do an activity just for Lan?
I was thinking he meant somthing like go to the bathroom and do "somthing"(Link) just for Lan.
Now if you read my response again.
Originally Posted By: Lanzo
W already thinks I do to many activites on my own. How else could I have survived over the baron years.
it will make more sense.
However, If I read John correctly and did activities for myself then your other points comes into play,
Originally Posted By: Rob
Is it because she misses the time together and wants to use it to improve your R? Or is it because she finds your independence threatening?
it's a bit of both actually. But mainly she wants me around cos her LL is quality time, she wants me around all the time even if she dosen't want me (hope that makes sense).
Rob you're very good cos this feeling has crossed my mind a few times
Originally Posted By: Rob
I'll bet the day after the last of their kids moves out of the house, he starts packing himself."
And I'll finish today with, remaining focused has been a problem, I chat with my divorced friend at work and he tells me not to make the same mistake as he did which was to take his eye off the ball when things got a bit tough in this piecing stage. He just told me to get back to basic DB principles, work on GAL and take it from there. This is something I gotta do.
PS Rob nice story/analogy, that could soooh be me.
I'm ok things go up and down, a more gentle rollercoaster.
Yesterday W sent me a nice text yesterday "Hi hope yr lunch is ok. Sorry for not giving you any attention these past few nites. Still luv u. Hope you still feel the same, bye for now x".
By evening time when I got home she was tired and irritable and was just snapping at me all the time. I thinkshe's just got into the habit of taking her frustrations out on me.
I've not posted on my own sitch for a while,(I'm helping out in newcomers) but that doesn't mean to say things don't happen. It's just that I don't feel the need to rush to the computer at every little occurrence, most things I can deal with on the spot.
I still do things which irritate W, she still has a tendency to sulk and pout for a couple of days, that's how long it takes me to get things out of her about what has upset her. Last incident was W was unhappy with the morning routine, D6 unruly, me not taking control in the manner she wanted, so instead of saying something she cold shoulder and ignored me for a day. I'm trying to get through to her that if she sees something wrong, deal with it on the spot, don't sulk and go all ignorant, that's how we got into this old mess. I think she listened to me on this occasion, not sure if it's sunk in.
This last weekend was good, W, D6 and I were out of town visiting W's old friends. In the past a visit like this would have seen me clock watching and making desperate moves to get outta there as soon as possible, but I just kicked back and chilled even when W and friend induldged in some serious girls only talk. As I said the weekend was good long may we have more like that.
Just wanted you to know that I have had computer problems, but should be okay now. I will try to get caught up on your stitch. Just didn't want you to think I had forgotten about you.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Last weekend was very good, I am exepecting this weekend to be the opposite.
We are deep into the renovation of the house but the funds we have fall way short of W's expectation, but I haven't told her that yet. Remember back last christmas I did some refinacing with the bank which put me in a postion where I could square things if we D and sold the house or if we stayed together I would have some tough explaining to do with W, well here I am at the 11th hour and I have to tell her our real situation. I'm not looking forward to that. The will be a real test of our R, I hope she doesn't walk.
I'm not overly in a good mood cos I've also got a potential health issue, the doctor says it maybe somthing or nothing but I won't know for sure until I have a scan. I haven't told W this yet cos she has enough to worry about with her own health and that of FIL.
Ah well I'm just journaling away sorry I couldn't sound more positive.
Lan
PS the computer may go off line so update may some time off.
