Well he asked for the sleepover. I mean, we are separated, so we are sort of working out our own visitation right now. HE can't have any overnights during the week with how far away he is, his work schedule etc. So the weekends are his only shot. He had them one night last weekend for the first time. That didn't go well either. Then he asked for two nights this weekend. I was devesated, but agreed. I think I'll be asking to go back to one next weekend. IT's just too much. And it might be different if he was in his own place, but he is staying with a friend and his girlfriend. So they all stay in ONE bedroom. IT's not homey at all.
I just hate this, and I'm so mad.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
(((Chris))) Just catching up on your thread. It is hard enough for us to go through this, but it is even worse to watch the effect it has on our children. I am with you, I don't understand how they can walk away. Unfortunately, they do, and we are left to pick up the pieces. My sitch is a little different, but D12 still misses her SF. When we were there at the house on Saturday, she kept hugging him.
I don't think that this was necessarily a DBing failure, though. It may feel like it, but start new and remember you are doing a great job. Lola
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
We 37 year old wives of cops have to stick together!
Here with ya guys!!!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
hi guys! sorry chris ~ i know exactly how you feel- i was annoyed that my H was hanging out with his single guys friends and it turned out in my favor- so far- he realized how yucky it is in that world...and that his single guy friend is trying to find girls like himself. ew. so just look at this sitch as a lesson for him- i agree with Jeff...lessons come from all angles. Pisces
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Well, I"m pretty sure the final nail was nailed in our marriage today. My fault. Stupid me. Stupid me for thinking he is SOMEHOW more special or insightful than other guys. Stupid me for thinking "more of the same" would get through.
In a nutshell (too exhausted emotionally to go into detail).
He brings the girls home We start discussing a very cheap townhome near us for sale, that would be cheaper to buy than renting the next year (he has agreed to keep me and the girls in our current home through the next school year to ease the transition). So we start discussing that, and next thing you know full blown R discussion. Which looks like for once it's having impact. One thing leads to another. We sleep together. To which he completely loses it afterwards, and says again....... "Chris, I'm sorry. I really am not trying to screw you up here. But I'm done. I know I'm done. Nothing is changing". HE got angry, I got angry, and he left.
I don't know. I just don't know. I really think there is no DB miracle for me. Now to be fair I haven't been practicing the principals very successfully. I'm just a failure at this.
Going to once again try to hit the LRT. HE mentioned again, he IS filing soon. Amazing how a 3 hour talk/ML session can start one place, look like it's going well, then end amazingly bad.
I'm just so spent over all this.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
I'm so sorry! That is so horrible that this happened to you especially after the emotion with your D last night.
IMO, you need to put emotional distance between you and H. Obviously having him in the house and talking personally with him is making thing more confused for both of you.
Let me ask a question, who initiates the ML?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
please do not call yourself a failure. the DR said if you make a mistake or backslide- fix it fast. thats all. do not beat yourself up. R talks happen and when they do you can SHOW him your new way of being. i agree that being in the same house is hard and ML can add confusion to the stages... im so sorry right now- you will be ok:) tomorrow is a new day!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
The ML was pretty mutual. We had just had a pretty intense conversation, and I asked him to hold me. So we were just laying on the bed cuddling. From there, it gets blurry but it was very mutual.
The bad thing though, that up until today really hasn't happened, and can ONLY be a horrendous sign, is that after he finished, and finished with me, he could not get hard again, and I could see it on his face that he was SO not into it, so removed. He totally was initially, but then somewhere in the middle of it, he began to regret it and just went through the motions. It was so apparent and the most awful feeling ever.
I just still don't know how we got here.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Pisces