so... I haven't sent the text yet, I have been feeling so lonely that I am a little afraid to initiate communication, b/c I think he will be able to "smell" my loneliness. But I forced myself to wait through the weekend... now I think I could send it tomorrow.

The past couple days I have been really, really... pining for him, and missing him, something I don't think I've let myself feel yet... in the beginning right after the bombs it was like, "I'm NOT going to let someone do this to me," and then, it evolved into examining myself, scheming, planning, shopping, etc \:\) Now I just really miss who he is and having him in my life. I dunno... I think that hunger to be able to talk to him is keeping me from reaching out, b/c I do not want hunger/yearning/pining/even desperation to be the motivation... I want clever DB'ing to be the motivation!! But we already determined that my text was DB-approved!!! So I should just go ahead!!

The fourth was nice... I went up to my roof w/ a cello friend b/c I thought I would be able to see the downtown ATL fireworks, a mere mile away... but they were completely obscured by the skyline of downtown!! \:\( However, there were about 8 different fireworks displays all across the area that you could see barely above the tree line and really far away. BUT my friend & I went downstairs to my apartment to eat chocolate chip cookies and drink tea, and half an hour later there was an awesome fireworks display way closer that we could see from my window! Nice \:\)

We also had a talk about B, since I hadn't talked to my cello friend since before all the action. She had some interesting observations...
1. that he probably wanted me to come to his concert so he could show me all of HIS changes and all the new things HE had learned, just how I wanted to show him all of my changes!
2. She also pointed out that obviously he knows how to make himself look hot to attract a woman, and what with the Man of the Mountain Beard it indicates that he is not trying to do that righ t now, which is good for me.
3. I told her about the dream... where B gave me a hug while tuning his violin? And she had a totally different interpretation... that "maybe it meant he was finally able to embrace, at the same time, the two things in his life that were the most important"... his music and me. I almost started crying... if her interpretation was true, it would be utterly amazing.

In the meantime, I am waiting... and waiting... \:\)

(((EVERYONE))) I'm sorry I haven't been posting to your threads, I have just been feeling really lonely and weird and not having much to offer... but we all know, that will shift \:\)

LOVE,
T