M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I guess it has made me really pause and wonder if I'm posting truthfully or if I am posting truthfully and things really are that crap in my marriage (in terms of manipulation adn control). tbh I feel guilty for posting information like that becuase when I look back, I can see plenty examples where I have done the same back to him.
That's part of the beauty of posting. Even when it hurts. It makes us think, and sometimes learn as much, probably more, about ourselves as we do our partner. You can be pretty sure than admitting your shortcomings here will get you support, from almost everyone. There are a few exceptions, but they must be perfect, anyway! (Of course, admitting your shortcomings, and then justifying not trying to change them, doesn't get quite the same reaction!)
Some of the hardest posts I ever made were when I had made mistakes and had to own my own behaviors. Even as recently as two weeks ago Purple. The feedback that you get though when you open yourself up, makes it all worth it.
"Stop being a drama queen. I went to see if there was any mail for me."
He probably thought he was being considerate by putting the mail on the bench.
Christ....I am seeing him for dinner in just over three hours...How do I put a PMA on now that doesn't look false? I don't want to go now!! His present is wrapped up on the table.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
I don't know if I'm late with my reply, just a thought: do you think you can try to laugh it off? It would work with my H... I've done it a couple of times when he expected more drama, and I'd just start laughing (even though it wasn't a laughing matter for me) and put him completely off arguing.
Good luck, (((((Purple))))!
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
My bestest friend in the whole world just rang me so we had a giggle about life in general so I'm feeling more positive. I'll have a crack at laughing it off if he brings it up...doubtful he will though. He'll just be moody no doubt. I'll just be happy li'l me!
Gotta go shower and pretty up....I may be gone for some time...
Love yas all
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
"Stop being a drama queen. I went to see if there was any mail for me."
He probably thought he was being considerate by putting the mail on the bench.
Christ....I am seeing him for dinner in just over three hours...How do I put a PMA on now that doesn't look false? I don't want to go now!! His present is wrapped up on the table.
Absolutely unacceptable answer on his part. This is not about being a drama queen this is about respect. If he brings it up, don't laugh it off. Look him in the eye, tell him: "You chose this path, you and I have our own separate places, I will respect your place, you will respect mine. You can go into any post office and have your mail forwarded so enough of your excuses."
Be firm, be concise, do not allow him to take control of the conversation. Just tell him this is what it is, deal with it.
I've been reading your thread but haven't posted yet. Just wanted to say hi.
Also, it's always a good idea to look through someone's thread before you decide to post to them or when you're trying to determine if they're being sarcastic about your advice - I saw your hesitation on lostphil's thread. If you look through some of the other posts there, you'll get an idea of what to expect.
Purple, I agree with Bridge, & Ian, do not laugh it off. He is defining you. If you don't want to go, don't go.
You deserve to be treated with respect.
hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
