WAW#9 Feelings

[Purple]

Phil have you thought that maybe she wants you to look after the kids to give you a chance to spend quality time with them? Yes, she does then get the benefit of being able to have some time for herself, so is it possible that you spending time with the kids is a win win situation?

Have you really tried to talk to her about a parenting plan? From what I read, it sounds like you have _told_ her what the plan should be and haven't given her the opportunity to put forward her opinion. yeah, she might screw you over and say mean and b1tchy things, but are you the bigger person, the husband who is staying true? The parent who can see what the kids need, and that is stability and consistency? Is it just the slightest bit possible that she trusts you with the kids and wants to have a chance to be a little free for a time before she sits back down and really works on herself? Is it possible that she may be (subconsciously) giving you a chance to be the father (stability, conscientuousness, loving) so she can see that you mean what you say about wanting to stay married? What I wanted from my h was to see him caring about d7 and making the effort to make her life happy instead of carrying on like a sad sack that I didn't want to spend time with him. Honestly? Who wants to spend time with a moody pr1ck? It might sound back to front but the times that I saw him put his own feelings aside and concentrate on what was best for d and making her feel like No. 1 actually made me remember what it was I love about him.

I have tried the parenting plan approach with h. I tried writing one down and giving it to him. It blew up in my face. That was about 6 months ago and we _still_ don't have anything written down. it sucks. I have tried talking to him about it, it sorta worked, but I live by his schedule and it sucks.

I'm just typing as i go and I'm not too fussed if it appears disjointed and I'm not too fussed if you don't like what I say. You are taking people to task because they are reaching out to you. Check your ego at the login page man....u are here for a reason aren't you? If you just want to journal, go start a blog somewhere else. The whole point of posting is to get other perspectives. If you don't want other perspectives and suggestions, don't post, go do the blog thing.

I post to you because I see my h in your behaviour. He feels like he's bent enough for our marriage and claims that he is prepared to compromise and work on our relationship but then refuses to respect my living space and comes and goes when he pleases it makes me feel like he doesn't care about what's important to me. He says one thing but does the other. He claims I am emotionally unavailable - well, try getting rebuffed and having your feelings ignored over and over again and see if you want to be emotionally available. It's pretty frickin' scary. Past experience has shown it doesn't go down well. never mind that you say you are going to do things differently or that you are doing things differently, it will take time for her to realise you mean it. Two days, two weeks and possibly even two months is too short a time to expect her to come running back prepared to work on things. You must show your changes first,otherwise she will not give you a chance.

I would probably be better off just posting my thoughts on my own thread. I don't think you really care to hear what other people have to say. Or maybe I can just keep posting here and pretend you are my h and post to you what I really want to say to him. That way, when I get smacked in the face by your short sightedness, arrogance and failure to even look at the sitch from someone elses point of view it might give me a heads up to what my h will do next and it won't hurt so bad when he does it.