Helping OW??

[fooled again]

steelersfan,

I do not discount anything you say. You have wise words to offer and I see that you have been at this longer than I have (my bomb was 07/06). But I am not trying to fix this. I think what OW is doing is breaking down her own fantasy by talking to me. She too wants to know the truth. As mkultra said,

Who wants to be the OP?

OW certainly doesn't, and each time we talk it slaps her in the face that what she thought was real is an illusion. I am simply being honest w/ her about where I stand. I think that's fair. I'm not competing - if H wants her, he can have her, but she does need to see that I will be there as a part of his life for the rest of our lives b/c of our D. And H has proven to OW over and over that he is not willing to let her into D's life anytime soon. H has also proven over and over that he can't let me go - H pursues me.

OW wants the fairy tale ending - she is realizing that this fairy tale will probably end badly no matter what she does. H even told her himself that the probability of things working for them is very, very small. OW has just come out of her own mess of a marriage and is very weak and vulnerable - she wants marriage, a future w/ H. H was supposed to be her "knight in shining armor coming to her emotional rescue" - a noble, dependable, honest man. She is seeing him for what he truly is - a very confused man who has lied to her and used her. Does he really love her? She is beginning to doubt that. Is H a really good liar? You bet your life, and she said herself that she can't live that way. You see we are both in the same boat.

So steelersfan, I will do what it takes, even if in the short term H moves away from me. I just have faith that he will wake up, that's the only way I can explain it. I absolutely would rather know exactly where I stand than have this "hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil" attitude, or what I don't know can't hurt me. That's bullsh*t. In one of my earlier threads I mentioned The Matrix - I would take the pill that let me to the truth, no question about it.

So I will snoop if H begs me to take him back, again. I will stay in touch w/ OW. I will make sure H is doing what he says he will do, hold him accountable. Do you let a child do what they want & say nothing? Does your boss let you come to work every day and socialize and surf the net instead of working? No, we are responsible for ourselves in the real world.

FA