Puppy!! At last I have found you. Listen, there is a man that needs another's man's advice on how to set boundries. He is in Newcomers Forum and is called Losing Sunshine. He had two threads going but finally got down to one and it is "Wife is Considerifng Filing". It looked like things were looking up when he started pulling away from her and applying DB, and she was kind of moving toward him, even though she considers them separated living under the same roof (her sleeping in downstairs). However, she has some "new" female friends that, I think, may be a bad influence on her and now she is apparently planning to pull something this weekend. She was wanting him to put the house on the market and he said "no". I told him that I thought he needed to stay home this weekend b/c she seem to be trying to get him out of the house while the new friends came over. Then she mentioned about pulling some things to put into storage. I smell a rat...b/c I think she will try to wipe him out of everything in the house if he doesn't stay there to make sure she doesn't. Anyway, I think he is beginning to see that also. Maybe she was just setting him up for the kill instead of warming up to him. So, he approached her about it....and it turned into a fight. He stood up to her and told her that he was did not want to sell the house and that he was thinking of buying her part out and keeping the house for him and the kids. I think that shocked her! But, now that he has sort of called her bluff and she is bringing these new friends over, he wants to know how to draw boundries in their stitch. I instantly thought of you b/c I think you are the best at that sort of thing. I kind of get lost b/c I don't know what a man would do if he told his w not to do something and she did it anyway. I know she needs to suffer the consequences and figuring out just what that would be, is the trick.
Anway, would you mind dropping by and taking a look and maybe helping him. He has come to a spot in the road that he really needs direction ASAP. I hope you get this tonight in time to respond to him. I know it is a busy time for families.
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Corey, You're very welcome. You know I'll always try to help you in any way I can. I really am a "Nice Guy" in real life, you know! I come across harsh on here sometimes because I know that it's NEEDED at times, and supplication and needy/grabby doesn't work. But it DOESN'T come naturally for me. Puppy/Choc.
I know you are a nice guy, but you are also not a dog I would want to jack with . I appreciate your truth darts and when the time is right, I will be knocking on your kennel door with treats in one hand and a need for advice in the other. I wouldn't say that you are harsh, you just have an innate way of cutting through to the heart of the sitch and sometimes that is a little hard for some of us to take. Anyway, I appreciate all of your help. If you get a moment, Water2Moon is back and could do with some words of advice.
Have a great 4th! Corey
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Puppy, I would appreciate if you would stop by my thead and give me some advice. He has lied to me again. I need some stong opinions of what to possibly do. The post starts on July 4th at 12:27 AM.
Thanks, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Just read your thread, but only from the part you noted, and I'm not that up on your sitch prior. Did your husband agree to 100% no-contact, and say he was trying to work on things? Or did he just claim he was no longer in contact with her?
If it's not too much trouble, could you also take a look at my thread(s) and see what you think? Mostly re: intel-gathering, "outing" H and his affair to those recommending him for priesthood, helping D12 now that she's aware of OW? Thanks so much. (I feel like a little kid pulling at your sleeve!)
Sorry, I don't know how to link, but my threads are Alien invasion and Alien invasion 2.0.
Thanks!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
She was still working for him. He said he didn't want to fire her because he was worried she would file sexual harassment. He said he thought she would quit on her own. He gave me his word that he would not see her outside of work. He told me this back in April when I confronted him and her about her calling his cell phone while I was at his house. I told him it was over and to stop calling me and this was when he told me he wanted to work on things, that we could make it. Initially he told me he would fire her, but then changed his tune that he wanted her to quit on her own. I was so blind, I just wanted to believe him and it work out so badly.
We were doing really well. We were spending a lot of time together. We even spent time camping the weekend prior to the 4th at the lake.
The OW's exH called me a couple of times from April-June telling me that his DS10 said that the "boss" hadn't been over in a long time. So I'm pretty sure that he wasn't seeing her outside work then. My DD20 who lives with him said he was home all the time.
Things were going so good until she called out in distress for him to help her move some things out of her house. He then caved into the temptation again.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Now I remember your story. I think I posted to you back then, that 100% no-contact was an absolutely necessity, and this is why. The best way to think of it is that they are ADDICTED -- addicted to their affair partner. You can't just leave an alcoholic to say "I'll only have one or two drinks, at work, but nothing more" -- it has to be 100%.
Your moment of maximum opportunity was when your husband said he wanted to work on things. Does he still??
There's a guy over in MLC - purr. His sitch sounds exactly like mine, except he hasn't discovered whether there's OM yet or not.
My question to you is the following. We all recognize the signs. It's like big red flags waving. But when someone hasn't found out yet, and isn't necessarily in the best position to gather intel, what do you think is the best route to pursue?
There's a guy over in MLC - purr. His sitch sounds exactly like mine, except he hasn't discovered whether there's OM yet or not.
My question to you is the following. We all recognize the signs. It's like big red flags waving. But when someone hasn't found out yet, and isn't necessarily in the best position to gather intel, what do you think is the best route to pursue?
thanks, lodo
Lodo, glad you bumped this, as I've been out of town and hadn't seen it.
I'm not entirely certain I understand your question. Can you please clarify?
. I appreciate your truth darts and when the time is right, I will be knocking on your kennel door with treats in one hand and a need for advice in the other. I wouldn't say that you are harsh, you just have an innate way of cutting through to the heart of the sitch and sometimes that is a little hard for some of us to take. Anyway, I appreciate all of your help. If you get a moment, Water2Moon is back and could do with some words of advice.