Hmmm Mass Skippers.... Moral implecations. Looks like my wife skipped Mass this weekend too.
Speaking of Mass. Her Godmother was in mass. The cousin came up to me and asked how I was doing. I said terrible what do you think. I said you know your cousin head strong. Then the Godmother chimed in and said it takes two. I said I know that I'm not claiming I was perfect. However I am claiming to try anything to fix the mess we are in and she doesn't want any part of it. She said a little to late too little. I said yes maybe but I'm still trying where she isn't even willing to try and never tried. Then she said well she doesn't even talk to me. I said well join the club she doesn't talk to me either. She is pushing everyone good out of her life. The Godmother started welling up. I said really just pray for us.
I also stopped by my other Aunt and Uncles after lunch. They are the only ones from her side of the family that have reached out to me and asked how I was. What I was up too. We hope you guys get back together. Etc...
They told me about the picnic. They said it wasn't anything great I didn't miss anything and Unc kept saying it wasn't the same with me there. Yep, good ol life of the party Phil.
Unc told me stories of how his SIL almost got thrown out of his house when they came an visited them. He said she had a temper and would through tantrums so it's no wonder your wife acts the same. She is her Mother. She had a great teacher.
Then my Aunt started telling me how she through a tantrum yesterday at the party because our son had gone out of her site for an instant. He was with his grandfather. She was spazzing out and thought that someone took him.
Moral implications.... Hmmmmmmm
Feelings..... hmmmmmm.... Not according to the CCC 2385.
Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatied by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.
Hmmmmmmmmm well God lets see I don't have those feelings for my spouse anymore because they did this and that to me. Blah blah blah... Well why did they do this or that? Well basically because I was a spoiled brat and did what I wanted and it was never good enough, then I just fell out of love. Then I decided I was going to justify my actions and play the victim to make myself look good in the situation.
Yeah, ok come right in....
LETS SEE IAN. I SAID EVERYTIME I TRY TO IMPLEMENT THE ADVICE I GET ON THIS BOARD IT BLOWS UP IN MY FACE. Then I have trouble handling my emotions because of the mixed signals, etc... and then I'll say something that she misinterprets and all hell breaks loose.
I leave her alone. I do not bother with her. I do not call her. I do not ask about her wear abouts or what she is up too. She does not talk to me. I let her come and do laundry as she pleases. I try to accomodate her with the children at every given moment. Being nice to her. Staying sober. This has worked.
Setting schedules, asking to stay out of the house. Asking her to call me before she arrives at the house to do laundry. Asking her to spend time with me. Asking her to talk to me. This has not worked. Telling her I'm going to refi. Telling her she is not on her own. I pay for her car, insurance, etc... Then she says she is going to file for child support. If she wanted to file for child support she's knows I would put the hammer done. So it's threats. I get to speak with her in the most inopportune times. She is either too tired from work, in a hurry to go to work, or too busy running off doing something. TOO BUSY RUNNING! She just wants to run...
Still exchanging I love you's. However now all the affection is gone. There are no hugs either initiated by me or her. She doesn't give me the cheek anymore. Why, because I tried to instill things she doesn't want.
She is going around telling everyone that I abused her. When in fact it is the other way around. Yes I have struck back, and I'm very sorry for it. It was in self defense, other times it was just me snapping. You know I was about 240 and she was 110, if I would have hit her she would have been in the hospital. She would scream in my face, and verbally abuse the hell out of me. She would hit me all the time.
My lifestyle has changed. I don't act like an 18 year old drinking my beers and hiding them from mommy. Now I still consider myself to be a social drinker that sometimes let the alcohol get the best of me. Ok, who doesn't? So I totally took that part of the equation out of my life.
When she would verbally abuse me I would call her the B word. I called her that way too much. Yeah the marriage has been on the rocks because that is how she played the game. Her way or the high way. Her rules, but her rules only apply to me not her.
There was no maturity on her part to give me an intervention because she thought I would walk out. More of her trying to justify. All of her self esteem was destroyed, because she let people get to her. Her role models like her sister and her friends filled her head up with so much crap there is no penatration.
No maturity on her part right now to talk to me about anything civil. Go with the flow. Well the flow sucks. She has no plan. She has no future. She is playing the victim now. She thought I was going to kill her if she left. She thought I was going to stalk her. None of these things came true. Honestly if she says those things about me then the woman never knew me.
Her mother taught her everything she knows. Throw a tantrum and you will get your way. She does it now. So I might have finally learned not to react to it.
Your advice isn't advice. It's a video game. You try and take the controls. I'm on advice freaking overload.
I was overwelmed. I'm getting better. Yes I still knelt and prayed after Mass and lost it saying the rosary. I asked for forgiveness of wrongs I did against my family and my spouse.
Todays readings were about the flesh. Well isn't that what we all do. Sorry.... I'm going to have to stand by the Church on this one. She is out of control, where I used to be out of control. However I never abandoned my family. I was out of control because she tried to control me on every single thing. She nagged, b|tched, and complained about everything. If I walked crocked. If I breathed her air wrong. If I stepped on a crack, didn't kill a bug right, didn't install something right, missed a spot cutting grass. I heard about it all....
