To be here or not to be here

[Snow White]

I wish I could go dark, everyday I think today is the day. Last night I worked at a local event where people drink inthe streets. I walked there, H texted a few times while I was there and I pointed out that while I was not ignoring him I was working and could not text back. He sent a text to say he was going to bed and asked how I was getting home, I said walking, he said thats not smart, be careful and call me when you get in. I said could you come get me? I actually was kind of nervous walking home after I saw the volume of drunk men there. So he did, which I thought was nice. Then he went back to his parents house to bed - for real this time.

I am having a little bit of a rough day, H showed up this morning and said to D I am taking you swimming at Grandma and Grandpa's today. I said nothing as if we are getting truly separated today is his day with her. So when he came I went out and cut the grass, he was a little miserable because he couldn't find his sports stats and I must have thrown them out. I asked if they were on the computer he said yes.

Well then H maybe if the computer didn't get smashed we wouldn't have this problem. So other than that we were civil. I went into town to get a replacement head for the weedeater and he left with D. I kind of thought I was going to be invited, I was going to make a point of saying no you go ahead this is your time now. But I wasn't.

I hate how D is involved in this too. H is on the phone in the driveway and she comes up to me and says daddy's on the phone but not whith his bad friend. I said oh ok, trying to ignore the convo. She says its not his bad friend "nancy". Cousin didn't know "nancy" so I told her(cousin is 6) that daddy's friend is bad. I said you don't know nancy either, D says yes I do, I know her name and that she is bad.