I feel like I have a split personality! Hopefully I will back to AG II shortly.
Some Unusual stuff - but perhaps it is Usual for others!
First Unusual Occurence: Emailing Man rented office space from a family law attorney. She had a case with issues with the opposing side. She warned the people around her. Nut Job Other Side Client stalked her and shot her in the parking lot. She is survived by an H and a 2 year old behind. I feel awful. I worked though some confusion myself when my former co-workers and friends were killed at my old law firm. But well if you live here - gun violence is a part of life - really is nothing you can do other than comfort those that lose loved ones. Doesn't mean I am a pro-gun person. Just means that the people who are have more power than I do. Such is life.
Meanwhile - I have nixed the idea of working at legal aid clinic and getting involved in any domestic violence cause. Anyone can get a gun here. I have no desire to be shot. And I have no desire to carry a gun and be constantly vigilant like I am living in some war zone.
Next Unusual Occurence: GF confiding in me about her open M. She had her family are the perfect family portrait. Gorgeous Blonde W - Handsome Italian H - four perfect kids - beautiful house. All that glitters isn't gold... I can understand why she is doing what she is doing.... I am in no position to judge her - have not walked a mile (or even a foot)in her shoes. I do wonder how long before H angst pot will overflow...this was not his choice... I am hoping - they will both be able to ride out this period of their life...
Next Unusual occurence. I went to Trader Joes and bumped into The Original Trader Joe Man. Haven't seen him in two years - he is at a different TJ's now. I intentionally did not encourage a friendship b/c I felt there was too much chemistry at my end - inappropriate in a friendship with a M man.
Anyhow - didn't even recognze him at first. He was right in front of me talking to the TJ food preparer lady. I figured it must not be him b/c he didn't even acknowledge me.
After he left I asked food preparer lady - and she confirmed it was him. I thought perhaps he didn't recognize me. I saw him in the aisle with a whole bunch of kids and well said HI. He said HI and scurried away as fast as he could! And his W walked up and said "Are you AG? I am his W." We chatted for awhile. I really like her. She said her H had talked a lot about me and she had always wanted to meet me. A little strange since I have talked to her H all of maybe 5 times! LOL!
Sometimes I question my gut. I of course carried myself in my usual "I do not flirt mode so I never even came close to saying anyting inappropriate." But that whole friendship did not feel appropriate. I guess the way the H scurried away confirms that my gut was right. There was some certainly some weird guilt crap going on his head.
Yet Another Unusual Occurrence: So I volunteered at the beverage tent. All proceeds go to help abused kids and victims of domestic violence. And all tips go towards charities that helps the kids. I always have a great time. We ring a cow bell and very loudly cheer the people that tip - you are kinda hoarse at the end of the day!
Afterwards I sat outside with my group. A very interesting - hippie couple, a lesbian couple (one of them a registered Republican), a never M 53 year old woman, a ODD Single Man that was my age.
So ODD SM hits on me indirectly over and over and over again. Since I am use to working an places with rampant sexual harassment - good or bad - I have mastered the art of tangenting off a sentence in the "come on" into a completely different topic where the person is not even sure I understood of heard him. It is so reflexive - that sometimes I don't even realize or rememeber the specific times I do this! LOL!
I did that with Odd SM. The only time I remember I mentioned I had a BBQ that I may go to after the fundraiser - he offered to be my date. Weird - almost 3rd sentence after I met and he heard I was single. Well - I got some food and sat down ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TABLE. And we talked - and the Never M Single Woman decided to HIGHLIGHT every time I ignored Odd SM indirectly trying to ask me out. And well they decided it had happened 5 times. Odd SM jumped into this discussion. Then it turned into a discussion of what was wrong with me! And then was I straight! And then did I fear emotional intimacy. Was I an introvert (nipped that one in the bud - my shameless solicitation of tips generated the most tips in our booth. And we had repeat tippers in our line. )
They decided that they would all go on the date with me - so I could get over my fear of intimacy. And then they all proceeded to give him their phone number. And passed the paper to me. I said NO - I do not give out my phone number to people I don't know.
And I am thinking NO! I am NOT interested in ODD Single Man and did not want to embarass him publicly! Besides who wants to date someone that would publically put you on the spot. And that pursues a person that does not even provide the slightest indiction of interest. All he can see is that he wants to go out with me w/o even looking for feedback from me or caring what that feedback is! But I continued the non-confrontation approach - feeling increasingly on the defensive.
The other people finally got that I was not interested and let it go. Single ODD Man kept at it talking to everyone and anyone - hoping I would hear. I pointed ignored every comment - but it was annoying!
I know at work - I have found a way to nip discussions I do not want to be engaged in - in the bud.
I have had this happen in the past - and usually I run away and hide in my hermit habitat. I know I have issues with confrontation and saying NO. Some people count on that - and I am working on saying NO more and more with confidence....
So all rambling aside - the basic question: When someone asks you out what is the best way to directly say NO in a manner that clearly says NO I WILL NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU no matter how many times you ask or how many angles you try this question from - so that the question is not asked again.
Emailing Man told me once that with some men you have to repeat it over and over and over again with increasing intensity until they get it. Patent Male GF told me that his W is outright rude to men that approach her and gives them The Look so that are afraid to so much as even look at her again.
Toll Booth Man - I drove away. Single Odd Man - more of a challenge....
Anyway - after three straight days of FUN - I am ready to work again! I need a break to re-charge!
