Separated 5 years.

[Rusty]

Now there is a great weekend!!! Wish I was with you on the beach - love the fried clams and as long as it is dark beer.....

The show sounds pathetic. I don't know why people watch stuff like that - it is just another way society makes all of this look okay. I get so crazy about it. I hardly watch anymore. I really think it is how we have gotten to this point where everything is okay - premarital and extramarital sex, drinking to solve problems.. okay enough of my ranting.

I'm trying to think of a nice tradition to start with D, but your beach sounds so much better than anything I can come up with.

[MP53]

OooOooooh, I love dark beer.

Yes, I'm lucky the beach is fairly close by.

I agree with you that the media loves to show us this type of lifestyle as interesting and maybe mainstream. I think an article I just read on how the media is encouraging the continued adolescence of men was pretty interesting.

[url=http://www.inthesetimes.com/article/2526/ ]http://www.inthesetimes.com/article/2526/ [/url] http://www.inthesetimes.com/article/2526/

I truly think my H feels he missed out on a lot of living by marrying me. I hope he's finding that what he's missed out on is a fantasy and nothing more, but it doesn't look like that's what is happening.

[Rusty]

I have to believe that at some point they will realize what life is all about and it isn't screwing a bunch of nameless idiot women. And when the loneliness hits, and they are no longer appealing to random women, they will be really sorry they don't have a true, real love in their lives. Anyway - my hope..

I not only believe the media keeps men stupid - I worry about what it has done to our youth and their expectations and what they find acceptable behaviors.

Your H will realize, it just may be too late. That is what I think about mine anyway. The fantasy fades and then who will be there for them?

[Tink]

I have asked him several times during the 5 years why we are not divorced yet, and he always sighs and says, "I don't know."
...
He told me yesterday that he is seeing several "someones."

GET OUT. GET OUT!!!

Tink (still at the library)

[Rusty]

What do you think about what Tink says - to get out?? I think Tink is right on. As much as I hate to say it = I think it is the only way to move on. If he decides, like I think alot of the WAS do, that it was a huge mistake, that is the only way for him to realize. If not, at least you are on your way to a peaceful and fulfilled life!

[sgctxok]

So let's brainstorm....shy of filing, because you can always do that later

What is your wildest idea?

Has he ever thought you were dating someone else?

I do think KLA will be useful for you, to help with interactions that you do have with each other.

[MP53]

I don't think he even thinks about whether or not I am dating. He always seems happy to see me, friendly, but not overly so when we do see each other.

It is only recently that I have seen less of the familiarity we had between each other. I could always engage his attention with conversation, but recently, his mind is somewhere else when we talk, which makes me think that he is involved seriously with someone else now. He's very loyal, in his way, so if he were falling for someone else, he would feel guilty about talking to me.

I don't know. I'm sure I should have just filed a couple of years ago and been done with it. The same result, only I wouldn't have looked so pitiful by waiting 5 years.

I think I will try the group session, just to practice setting goals and following through.

The craziest thing I could do right now? Take a big trip somewhere, plan it all by myself, and then go. And don't tell him about it til after I got back or something.

[Sanderika]

Hi Ladies,

I am new here, I posted my story yesterday. I can connect so closely with all you said here. I would like you all to read my story posted under Newcomers to sg and then as my own thread called HELP - H in MLC 3 Years and Counting!!!.

I am at my wits end here as well. I have been on this rollercoaster for 3 yrs now.

My H does have a OW whom he feels he loves. OW is divorced at least once I think twice. 2 grown children. OW is 43.

My H doesn't love me, or so he says. I think he does.

My H has contact with me about once a week. He makes the contact I never call him anymore for any reason. Spent night with me on 6/27.

My H does NOTHING with our S12. S12 says he doesn't have a Dad anymore. S12 seems to have "moved on". H has seen S for only an hour total on two separate occasions since 5/24/08.

S wants Dad home too. S has gone into self-preservation mode to protect his feelings of abandonment and neglect by Dad. S caught on real fast that Dad puts OW in front of him.

I love my H to pieces and want him home soooooo badly. My world does not make sense to me at all.

I am so tired and the pain won't go away. I do see a IC but I don't feel it helps me now. S sees one too.

H would NEVER seek IC or MC, it would be a waste of time to ask.

I try to GAL every chance I get. On 6/29 I took S and 2 friends to NASCAR race. Friend told H we did that, she thought H would be in touch with me right away about that. I haven't heard from H since he left in the am on 6/28.

I too ponder the D? I have been to 2 different lawyers for info. Not ready to file.

H has said he doesn't want to D. I have to wonder why? The reasons I have come up with are similiar to yours:

I am H safety net. As long as he is M he doesn't have to M OW.

I have always thought it was for financial reasons. We are financially very comfortable.

I am not pushing the D, so status quo is comfortable for all except the OW. I hear OW is driving a D down his throat.

I know one thing, I hate it where I am, I am lonely - I will not get involved in a relationship while I am married. I am not religious it is my principles. I feel most days that I am just "doing time" even when I get out and have fun which is several times a week now. I hate parenting my S12 alone. I think it is going to get harder with the ages of 13-18 still ahead of me. I am obsessed with my sitch. I live it 24/7.

H wants people to think he is happy, I know him and he is not. I wonder if H is stuck and can't find a way out. Why else does he keep his relationship alive with me? I worry that I am his "go to" girl when OW is giving him s**t!!!

I would love for you all to read my story....any feed back I can get would be appreciated. AND...sorry (in advance) for my posts being very long, I just arrived and have 3 years of stuff to "spill my guts" about.

THANK YOU ALL............

Weeping may endure for the night
but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5

[Rusty]

MP53 - can you afford a trip? If so, I would do it!!! I would love to take one too, but can't afford it. I am planning to go to my Dad's family reunion in two weeks and REALLY want to go to my 30th HS Reunion in three (it is about 12 hours away by car), but there is hotel, food, gas, ect - and without any real job on the horizon right now, don't think it would be a good expenditure of my money. But if you can swing it - I say go for it.
do some soul searching, etc. and come back with a fresh perspective on everything.

As for seeming pitiful - don't even think that. The pitiful one is your H, who obviously doesn't want to let go finally or he would have filed himself. If he wanted the D, he would have gotten it by now. You may be right that now he is seeing someone and he feels guilty for talking with you. I see some of that myself. Like when my H and I ML the time before this last time, I got the sense that he thought he was cheating on someone. I find that ironic since we are still married, and I may be all wrong, but he acted so weird after.

I have always told my H that he was the one that wanted this, I did not, so he would have to go get the D himself. He is such a procrastinator and never follows through on things, that I can pretty much be assured it won't happen. If it does, I will definitely know there is OW.

DO THE TRIP!!! GREAT IDEA - 180~

[Sanderika]

Hi Rusty, MP53, Tink & imLIN.....

I am new here and could really use some help...My H has been in MLC for 3 years now, on the 4th July he took OW for the first time to his family. OW has not been to a H family function before. I feel I lost a huge amount of ground. I can relate to all of you and what you have been thru....my story has similiarities. Please read my posts and help me....I would be grateful. I ordered DB and DR should have them by 7/10. I will have my first DB Coach talk on 7/9.

I would be greatful for any help......