Doc, I have done all the things you have mentioned. EVERYTHING. Yet, still I'm at the same place with her. I'm not dark with her. I know I said slightly dark. I have called it a "lighter shade of pale" before. I don't have the heart to go dark with her.
What I have done is to not be as connected to her as I was trying to get to. I was thinking she was pulling away from OM, but after our talk on Thursday at the doctors office, without her actually saying it, she seems to have no intention of ending it. That is what has gotten me to be doing what I'm doing. I just felt used and like a doormat.
She has had it both ways for so long. Getting what she needs from me at home, even though she says she hates it here with me. Yet, our time together is so good. It's when she thinks too much. Then the week comes and he calls her, it goes right back to the same. She gets her "love" from him. She doesn't let me give her that love.
I'm letting her initiate conversation. She is so afraid of losing our friendship. I don't ignore her. Too hard to do. I'm just trying not to do everything with her in mind. When she talks, I listen to her. I validate her. I ask a question to keep it going.
I do include her in all plans and would never leave her out if I brought something home for myself and the kids. I'm not rude. This is the woman I love.
Read back a bit, Doc. I think you'll see it. I wish we could have that beer, too, by the way.
Last night, I finished watching the movie. It was getting late, and no word from roomie. Went to bed at about midnight.
Of course, ya'll know what I am thinking. With her mother? Yeah right.
She calls about 12:30 using her mothers phone. On purpose, I suppose. To let me know she was with her mother.
"I'm still here at my mothers." "Oh" kind of sleepy. "Are you asleep?" "No, just in bed. Did ya'll ever leave and go out?" "Yeah, we went to Luby's to eat, then we went to grocery store. I got some bread and she bought some stuff. We looked at hair magazines for a long time. She bought some hair dye." "At least ya"ll had fun." "I always have fun when we go things together." "I know. Its good to do those things together." "Yeah." "Are going to do her hair, miss hairstylist?" "No,(yawn)she doesn't want to anymore." "Now she changed her mind?" "No, she is just too tired now. Right, mom? She doesn't want me to drive all the way home." "Ok" Pause "Did you buy refridgerator stuff?" "No, just bread. Actually, mom bought the bread too, so I didn't even buy anything(chuckle). Is it still raining over there?" "No, it stopped earlier. I got to clean the puppy pen." We talk about the puppies. "Yeah, mom is falling asleep on the couch right now. She is moving her foot to try to stay awake. Her lips are puckered, waiting for her prince charming(laughs). 'Right mom, your waiting for your Prince? The short one with the tarantula on his lip." She is laughing. I hear mumbling in the background. "This one and your ex sure have a lot in common, huh mom?" More laughing from her. Both men are about 5'2". I say "Yeah, put them together, and they can reach the top shelf." She really laughs hard. She tells her mom. She is still laughing. I love to hear her laugh. I say, "No wonder her freezer is on the bottom." Big belly laughs from roomie. She relays to MIL. "Go put your mother to bed." "Ok, I'll see you in the morning." "Ok" "Goodnight" she says very sweetly. "Goodnight. Sleep tight." "You too." Bye. Bye.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
