I have had quite a bit of introspection since last evening.
I acknowledge I allow my beliefs and convictions to come to the fore, to the point that I tend to beat someone over the head with them. I regret that. W used to do the same with me, and now the shoe is on the other foot. I need to walk gently, with humility and compassion.
My W has strayed from the path, the very path she helped me get back on eighteen years ago. I need to show her more of the compassion and understanding she needs to return to Him. I must be mindful of sending the wrong message or pushing her away.
I believe we are all sinners who fall far short of being worthy of His grace. No one is worthy of the sacrifice Jesus made for us. Even Christians who have accepted Him as our lord and savior are sinners -- sinners in recovery, but still sinners.
Too many, both Christian and non-Christian alike, forget that the Church is really a hospital for sinners, not a country club for saints.
I just want to let all of you know that I love you all (y'all, I should say). I really need all of you to help keep me honest and true, to call me when I am too fervent or going off the deep end. If I offend anyone in even the slightest way, please be candid and call me on it.
Having said that, my situation is winding down very quickly. I fully expect W to keep to her word -- she will file for D this week, tomorrow most likely. It is a change in my life that I have never felt so helpless in effecting. I would say that my actions in this last year might be a beacon to others for what not to do to save your marriage. But in all levity, I don't think anything I could have done or not have done would have changed the outcome.
DB'ing can only to be said to be successful in the LBS' outcome. The results of the M itself, either way, are merely incidental.
So, I guess I am thankful to everyone for the friendship and the words of advice, in helping me get through this. It's not quite over just yet, but the inertia is so great now, it's merely fait accompli at this point.
Once this thread locks, I ponder whether to open a new one. I will continue to lurk here and to offer my own words of advice and support to my friends. But I don't know if the journalling and the pondering over my own sitch is fruitful anymore, especially as it starts a new chapter that has little bearing on this forum. Perhaps I should consider putting out a shingle on the "Surviving the big D".
