For the Guy with kids and a WW 6

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ok Get ready for the 2X4s

Hey Doc, thank you. I appreciate your words.

Yeah, you need to read back a bit. Anyone who has kept up with me would agree that what I am doing is a 180 for me.

Be careful 180 can mean allot of things. 180's are only good for things that you have deprived YOURSELF from.
When dealing with the Spouse ya want more of a 90 degree...

I have ALWAYS treated her like a princess and rescued and done everything for roomie.

ME TOO... (well not your wife but mine)

But you know what? She is not a princess. My Wife was not either. SHE is just a person...
When I told my wife I trusted her. (After I found the nude pics) SHE told me I should not have put her on a pedestal.
NOW I do see that. Our spouses are human. They do make mistakes just like us.
My Wife has a degree in Computer silence. I "thought" she was so smart. Here I am barely graduated High school and had to work hard to get were I am. NOW I see I am smarter that her in many ways...

She is always first for me.

WRONG... YOU ARE ALWAYS FIRST.... ok here is your first TRUE 180.
put yourself first. Even to an extent before your kids because if you are not in a good place how can you be there for your kids when they need you? Let’s say you have no money for food. You give all of your food to your kids... you die... Now what? Your kids will die also without a father... That may be an extreme but ya get my drift?

She DID surprise me this morning, as she was preparing breakfast and lunch snacks. Then when I thought she wasn't going to ask me if I wanted anything, she did.

Great... thank her but DON'T make a big deal about it. Don’t make her think that you LIVE for her to make ya lunch. She will then think she will have to do more to really impress you

I make lunch for myself every week day morning and then ask roomie if she wants me to make her a lunch.

THIS is a 90 degree place... you don't want to STOP making lunch. She will miss nothing. What she will do is think you are mad at her.

Skip a day or two. Then she will miss it.

EVERY day. I catch hell for it here

Ok first 2X4... DO NOT DO WHAT ANYONE (including me) TELLS you to do here.
You need to listen what people (Including me) tell ya and do what YOU feel is right.
YOU are the one living this hell. Even though we all are living similar situations EVERYONE is different.
It would be like me saying. "Hey my wife is blond so do this"
You know every "blond" is deferent, just like every brunette is deferent. And every red head gets mad easy. (Ok that is true).
So take a little of what puppy says, throw in a little if what I say and then do what Hopefulher wants to do...

It would seem like I do everything with a thought towards her. Again, going a little dark on her is a total 180 for me.

From what I have read you have not gone a "Little dark" you have gone total eclipsed dude

I ALWAYS call her to let her know I on my way home. I ALWAYS call her if I'm going to stop somewhere and if she would like something, too. At the grocery store, I ALWAYS buy her a candy. I ALWAYS call her if we need anything to be picked while on my way home.

(I hope I don't hit the wrong key and loose this I don't want to type this again)



Ok here it the 90 degree... Do not always call her. Call her once in a while.
Stay out a little longer than normal shopping and don't let her know (180 for you).
Now don't be a$$ and bring home treats for you and the kids and leave her out. If you do get something for the kids get something for her also. But don't make a special purchase for her. You need to knock her off that pedestal YOU put her on. She is not special she is one of the family
You see doing a 180 on ALWAYS calling her does not mean NEVER call her. It means don’t always call her.
You need to keep them off guard. Our Wife’s think they know us.

Like others have told me and told me and told me. She needs to get an idea of how it is going to be when she moves out.

I already told yo what I think about "what other say"

If she moves out. Papers aren't signed yet.

WHY NOT? Come on the writing is on the wall. ANYBODY that wants something. A new car, a new house, a new apartment can not wait to sign the papers...

Deep down do you really think she wants this? Something is stopping her.

Roomie called me about 35 minutes ago. I ALWAYS take her call.

Do me a favor, look back at this post and take away every “ALWAYS" and change it to "most of the time"

She said that she was going to stop by her mother’s house. Then hit the grocery store for a few things. I ask about the kids. She said they were fine. I told her that I was going to go to the store later, to get something for dinner. She said we have some sausage at home that can be cooked.

I told her, "Oh, well I wasn't sure if you had any plans tonight. I was going in to get some wine and a cigar too." She says, "No, I wasn't planning anything tonight" she said kind of quiet. "Anyway, I wanted to watch all the movies we have". I say, "That’s what I was going to do." We start talking at the same time. "Well if you want to go to the store..." I tell her, "Just go after your mom's and pick up the things. Is your mom ok?"

"Yeah, she just sounded funny on the phone and I...."
"Want to go and rescue her?"
"No, not rescue... just talk. I'll call you when I get to the store and see what you want me to pick up."


Looks like we'll be home together alone. Movie night together.

For those that know me, that is what I wanted anyway.

Yes, I'M a stupe.

Ok here is a 180 from your 180s that you have been doing.

Act like she is one of your co workers. ENGAGE in a conversation. Talk about your day. Let her tell ya about hers.
Do not pursue, but don’t withdraw either...

Hey you are sleeping in the same bed. I have not slept in the same bed as my wife in a year and in 5 days I will be going to retro with her.. the grass always seems greener somewhere else….

Good luck...

Doc

H4H,

fwiw, I think Doc's got it about right. You're swinging too far in one extreme and then the other. Plow the fertile MIDDLE GROUND that he describes here, and watch your wife respond!

Puppy