The Longest Journey

[Jen_Jam]

Sd - I have been through this. To the stage where I started looking at my finances and flats to rent so i could move out.

There are plenty of things my H does now that I feel annoyed by, but I reliaed I was going through the stage "everything would be great if YOU changed".

I did have one final boundary state session and H responded, albeit slowly and with a lot of backslides. I fully believe now that he will continue to backslide, that when he does I need to gently point it out before it gets out of hand, and if I do it saves us a whole heap of trouble.

Communicating clearly and most of all calmly works for me. And I had to do it many, many times before it started to sink in with H. And I have to continue to do it, because my H isn't perfect, he isn't 100% how I'd like him to be but that doesn't matter because he is HIM and I don't wish to control him.

I'm not saying you want to control your H, I know you don't. But maybe you are keeping your focus too much on the negative, and making a negative into something big when it's not? I've done it. It's hard when you've been bombed, it's a horrid thing to happen which takes ages to get over. I thought I was fine last year - I recently looked back on my diary for this time last year and realised I still felt lost. This year is much better. I try to stay away from over-analysing, it helps me, and I look at the good things about me. For example, sometimes I look in the mirror and see bags under my eyes and the start of a double chin. The I look at my hair and tell myself how great it looks - focus on the good stuff.

This may or may not be of help - I'm telling you what worked for me, consider it and pick the bits which fit you. And most of all - keep your chin up, it took me ages to get to a M I really wanted, and if I'm 100% honest it ain't perfect but it's enough for me.