Well I have been reading threads today..haven't posted just reading. W went out to lunch after I finished the lawn. Came Bach with friend in tow. I left with 4d to go but no slacks. I guess they are going through two of Ws women books...womens mind womens wisdom and hope and abundance. Any ladies out there care to chime in on these two books?
Tia, LS
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Some passing thoughts on the moving scene... Hung aroung the house most of thne day until just now. W was home except for skipping out for lunch with friend...btw, friend is lesbian with partner...and they both came back to the house. Started going through womens mind womens wisdom and hope and abundance. I took 4d to mall and then both kids to park.
I grilled some steaks for everyone and dinner was pleasant with lighthearted convo. At one point W asiad she would rathhe have me cook...hobby...than to blow several hundred at a restaurant...friend just got back from Vegas and was talking about the expensive restaurants. I didn't say anything. After dinner Ws friend started talking to me about work...we work for same company...and eventually W went outback for a smoke. I left after W started to give kids a bath and after I changed and freshened up. She had asked what I was up to earlierf during dinner and I said just going out. Her friend had asked if I was going to my usual spot and I said probably not.
Befor dinner W had said repeatedly that she doesn't want to upset me since I was cooking dinner for them.
When I was grilling the steaks friend commented on patio and wife spoke glowingly how I had built it last year.
After dinner when W was outside and work conco ended friend asked a few questions and made a few statements about the sitch. I traded very lightly knowing it will all get back. Key thing I said to her was that I thought being a good husband was being a good provider and I was never told differently. Othher non my sitch R talk where I spoke positively about how couples can survive if they choose. So I am GAL tonight while W is home with friend for movie night. No r talk since last Sunday night and no house sale talk since Wednesday. She's asking questions and I want to oillback just a luitle more as I feel I got too comfortable this evening. I look good smell good hanged clothes and heading out tonight and they don't know where. I love it!
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Hi LS, I haven't heard of either of those two books.
Sounds like you scored brownie points all the way around, have a great time tonight.
hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Just wanted to post or repost some comments my W made to me last Wednesday during our R talk that I should have avoided.
W said: I..that's me..haven't shown any emotion about sitch. W feels that I am ignoring her. W feels that I don't want to talk...it's a cheeseless tunnel right now. Duh!
So I am seeking advice on the first two.
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
LS, about the emotion comment, you can tell her that you're feeling a lot, just not able to show it right now. Or, tell her you're just trying to stay calm & emotionless & give her time to work things through.
As far as ignoring her.....ask her to tell you 1-3 specific things that you could do so she wouldn't feel ignored. They must be specific though. Nothing vague like, oh just be attentive. Specific like, send me an e-mail every 4 hours, or whatever.
How do those sound ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Thx SC! I like what you suggested. I believe the ignoring comment was based on my not being as responsive to her email and calls to the office as I was before the bomb...and will ask the next time she brings it up. With regards to the emotions, I think what you wrote describes perfectly what I am going through. There it was. I just couldn't put it into words.
So I get back tonight, W and friends are downstairs watching movies. I go up stairs...we have a split level...to go to my room. I decide to go to the kitchen to get some water and W just happens to come up...like she was checking up on me...strange. I wished her a goodnight and left the kitchen. My guess was that she was checking to see if I had been out drinking and the funny thing is I don't even feel the need to or even want to drink. Not even a beer. I have done much reflection on why I drank: coping with stress, sleeping aid, sexual performance anxiety, W enabled to some degree and the sad fact that I didn't care at times. Until I hash all of this out, I just don't care to drink. We'll see if she catches on and sees.
: i
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
W popped into my room at 3 am to tell me that her and her friend were leaving to pick up friends partner that was drunk at the bar. Not sure when she would be home but most likely would crash over at friends. Kids are wondering this am where mommy is. We went to the early mass and then to sbux and to the park. Almost time for lunch, nap time then the pool with the kids. Not sure when W will be home and I don't really care for my sake but for the kids. I also heard last night tell friend while I was grilling that she is procrastinating at work and that is completely unlike her. This new independent lifestyle is beginning to take a toll.
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Well W finally came home and admitted to almost having a meltdown driving home from friends...of course friend was with her but okay. W feels really guilty about how she's been...feeling like she's been neglecting the kids...having gone from 100 percent to less than 10 percent caretaker. I told her to take the space age needs...that I understand why she feels the way she does and not to worry about me or the kids. She continued on for a few more minutes talking and crying and I just listened and validated. I told her that I was taking the kids to the pool later and adjef if she was going to be around for dinner..she said yes and I told her what was on the menu. I also thanked her for ironing my slacks yesterday and that I really appreciated it she respondeed that it was no big deal. I ended the convo and left to post this and reread parts of DR.
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
From what you just posted about her sort of breaking down I would say that is a really positive sign. I think the feelings she has been pushing deep down are starting to pop out now.
I wish my wife would do the same thing. I know I can see it in her that she is torn up inside. Same thing about neglecting the kids, going out etc. I know our sitchs are way different and my W has an OM plus gambling, but the patterns are similar.
Keep positive and just watch what she does and listen to what she says. You might pick up a lot of hints from her.
- Scott
Original Thread Part 2 M-37 W-34 M 10 T 14 2 Ds 13
