Is this what healing feels like ???

[smartcookie]

The whole month of March we fought. Over everything. We couldn't be in the same room without fighting or giving "those looks". I hated sharing a bed with him. I wanted him to go out of town on business or something. I just wanted him away from me.

I had major surgery March 28th. I was happy to go to the hospital, because it would give me a break from the tension in the house.

Tonight;

H & S9 were playing marco polo in the pool. It's so nice to see him play with the kids now. He didn't used to do that. He was always so harsh in his tone of voice & his approach. He was always so rough. He was always so competetive even with me. He would grab & grope me in the pool or jacuzzi. I told him he was too rough, he would scoff at me, "that's not rough, you act like I'm raping you or something". I never wanted to take a nap with him, I avoided being near him. He was rough, but he didn't believe me.

But not now. I watched him play with S. S was cheating, & H in the past would have gotten mad, & stopped playing. Tonight H just laughed, looked at me winked, & kept playing. S was tired, & needed help in the deep end. The old H would have told him, "don't be a wuss, grab the side of the pool", the new H reached out for S, & pulled him to his chest, & helped him get to the shallower end. My heart was so happy. I just watched & noticed & compared & remembered & was thankful.

When H came to get into the jacuzzi he didn't grab or grope me. He gently caressed my shin & massaged my foot. He waited for me to move closer to him. He gently rubbed my shoulders, & asked how school was going.

I remembered that I used to call his office, & he would say to me "gee, I'm really busy, let me call you back", & most of the time he'd forget. Now, I call his office, & I hear him tell the other person he's talking to, "hey, this is a really important call I've been waiting for, let me get back to you". When a co-worker comes into his office he says "I need to get back with you, this is an important call". Wow ! What a difference. Gotta go, my S9 wants me to watch him play Pikmin2.