we ate an entire dinner out at a restaurant...he was able to talk about work and issues he's dealing with there- i really listened, reflected back what he said (so it sounds like...or ....do you mean?...) and heard him and let him speak a lot...i said a bit of my stuff...but mostly his stuff...then at the end there was a lull...and he said "so how are things...?" with a laugh...(meaning the sep/ R when he said things)...i said "good..." and smiled...then i said how are things for you.....and he said " its been a rollercoaster..." ...he wanted me to ask and he took a deep breath and almost cried...and the rest is above...i let him initiate all R talk...i bit my tongue when i was talking about myself too much or really at all...i let him get out what he needed to say with just listening and nodding and hearing him- he had a hard time at the start then the food gates opened...
i talked with my DB coach- Jody- who is amazing today. she said he could very likely get overwhelmed and retreat for a bit- i just need to keep doing what i am doing...ACT AS IF im strong enough to deal with the truth. that really has helped me...and be casual friends...this is very delicate...its everything ive been hoping for and now i want it all fixed asap. isnt it funny how we would do anything for him to say these things then he says it and im ready for it all to be better?? crazy! i really want to go slow bc this is scary for me too- he as a lot of changes to make too...he seems to be ready but it will take some time...for both of us.
he also called his friend (who is my best friends H) and told him he is lost...basically he pushed this guy away for the past few years bc his friend is so committed to being an H that is scared my H- now he reached out to him for help bc he is really struggling...so this just keeps getting deeper and deeper...
marathon- not a sprint!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
