Officially Here Now

[7 Year Itch]

OK, progress. Well, for me anyway.

I got through a day with NO R talk. Yes, me, can you believe it?

I made a point to be in a cute little skirt, tight t shirt, curled my hair, had perfume on and everything. I looked good! So he came to get the girls, and offered to help me find a leak in our pool. He did, then he offered to patch it. I was standing out there with him while he was checking the seal. He was pushing it into the water to see if any bubbles came out, and then he turned to me and playfully flicked the water on his hand at my face. (I had sprayed him with the hose when I was filling the pool the last time he was out a few nights ago. I think this was payback). Anyway, I laughed and told him he better watch out or I'd get the hose again.

Then into the house. He asked if I wanted him to put the window air conditioning units in the girls rooms since it had been mega hot lately. I said, sure that would be great. So he worked on that. All that time I made a point to do my own thing, eat lunch, not be around him.

In the 45 minutes or so he was here, I saw him check me out like 4 times! I SOOOOOOOOOOOOO wanted to call him on it since he says he is NOT attracted to me. Does he think that I don't know him at all after 12 years? I completely caught him several times. I just tried to smile internally and keep my eye on the ball.

No comments, no acknowledgement of seeing him do it. I did SOOOOO well. So then he asked if I had any mail for him. I told him I hadn't checked mail in a couple days so he might want to check on the way out (we have a mail center for our development). I told him just to leave what was mine and I'd get it later.

So I got through helping the girls into their car seats. Kissed them goodbye. Waved and looked happy. Then they left. I immediately came in and broke down (I hate seeing them all pull away). Next thing I know the kitchen door opens and it's him with my mail. DAMMIT! So he caught me crying, but I just quickly pulled it together and said "thanks, you didn't have to bring that back".

So I almost made it scott free. I didn't expect him to come back.

Anyway. So there were a few pluses in there. But the sad thing is, is that for other people these would be huge, but we've had these fun moments all along. WE've been having sex. So I don't think I can make much out of today unfortunately.

Oh well. At least I held myself together. I'll see my girls tomorrow morning and church so I'm thankful for that. He doesn't go, but he agreed to bringing them there since they love it, and we agreed to raise them in that church. So I'll see them briefly tomorrow, then he takes them again until Monday.

MAN this sucks. Just sucks.

Chris