Hope4us struggle, part 6

[Hope4us]

Thanks Pup. I appreciate it.

Today was another pretty good day. WW started off the morning talking and talking. We went out on the deck and had the morning coffee and she was pretty engaging. I mowed the yard and then we sat out in the sun working on our tan's. And she kept periodically talking to me about, just stuff. And I swear a number of times she was starting to flirt with me. Came over to the side of the deck I was sitting on and sat down on the top of the 3 steps up to the yard and then started leaning over so the girls were about popping out of her suit top. And then she'd lean back in this seductive pose and just hold it there. I tried to ignore it while I was reading my book and I could see out of the corner of my eye that she kept looking over at me, almost to see if I was looking at her.

I think you might be right Pup when you say that she wants to know that I think she's still attractive. This was almost too obvious. So about 5 I decided to go out for dinner and I asked her to go and of course she declined. BAM, there go those expectations again. Two really good days and I'm thinking she may go along and when she doesn't, I'm disappointed. Oh well, I go without her.

When I got home I asked her if she was going to my mom's for the picnic tomorrow and she says "I wasn't planning on it". BAM, another disappointment. To give her the benefit of the doubt, it's a 5 hour round trip for one afternoon picnic, but still, I was hoping that she'd go.

S16 called and talked to her for a while and she asked him if he wanted to talk to me (WTF?) and then handed the phone to me. S16 says "it sounds like mom is really considering moving with us" and I just told him "oh" as she was sitting there listening. I'll talk more about it with him tomorrow on the drive to and from the picnic.

All in all a pretty darn good weekend. Not as good as it could be, but given the circumstances, it was pretty good.

One question, when will she start doing things with me? It really seems like we're making some progress, but until she's willing to actually do some fun stuff with me, how will she get "those" feelings back? Is she afraid if she does go out and do stuff with me she'll feel something and then the whole affair is a waste?

Oh, and one more thing. I noticed that she's put on a few pounds. Don't get me wrong, she looks better now than she did at her anexoric best a few months ago prior to my telling the kids. Has a shape again! But this seems to me just one more thing that tells me the affair is over. If it was still going on, she wouldn't be gaining those 5 pounds or so she's put on.

Talk to you all soon.